Kelly Clements Insights

He Just Told Me We're Tight on Cash...Now What?

kelly@theentreprenewer.com (Kelly Clements) — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 21:22:57 GMT

A guide for the spouse of an entrepreneur who just shared big news

You just heard the words no spouse ever wants to hear:

“Things are tight right now. The business is in a cash crunch.”

Your heart races and your throat closes. Your mind jumps ahead.
“Are we going to lose the house?”
“Do I need to go back to work?”
“How did this happen?”

It’s a gut punch.
And - It’s also a gift.

I’m not going to go as far as saying you’re lucky . But his disclosure does point to you being trusted .

And sister, in this moment, YOU hold the key to helping him pull through- or continue flailing.

Because every man, at any given moment, is either KING or JESTER . And often, it’s the one we speak to that actually shows up.

So, if you respond to the JESTER with a series of “How could you?!” “Sell the house, you can’t pull this off” or “Another mess I have to fix”, he’s going to continue slogging through this.

But, if you speak to the KING with “Thank you for telling me. I totally trust you to figure this out, and I’m behind you all the way”, that guy is going to find a way to figure it out.

�� Why So Many Entrepreneurs Don’t Tell Their Spouses

I’ve been coaching entrepreneurs for over twenty years and what I hear on repeat is:

They’ve convinced themselves they’re protecting you.
But more than that… they’re afraid of how you might react.

Here’s what many entrepreneurs think:

“If I tell her cash is tight, she’ll panic. She’ll go to extremes and want to sell the house or cut everything back to zero. She’ll start spiraling. And I can’t handle her fear on top of mine.”

So they stay quiet. They isolate. They wear the stress like a heavy coat while pretending everything’s fine.
And the marriage starts to feel just like the business: lonely.

So again, I won’t go as far as telling you you’re lucky. But you are trusted.

❤️ So What’s a Reasonable Reaction

Take a breath.

Ask yourself, “Am I reacting to what’s actually happening? Or what I’m afraid might happen?”

Thank them for telling you.

Literally say, “Thank you for trusting me with this. I know it wasn’t easy.”

Get clear, not chaotic.

Ask for context. “What does ‘tight’ mean? Are we behind on anything? What’s the plan?”

Talk about thresholds, not threats.

It’s okay to say, “I’d feel safer if we had six months of savings in the bank once we’re back in the black.”
That’s very different from saying, “We’re never doing this again.”

�� You’re Allowed to Have Needs Too

Being supportive doesn’t mean being silent.
If this shook you, say so.
If you need more visibility into the finances, ask.
If you want to agree on a minimum savings buffer after this, make that part of the plan.

But do it with your partner, not against them.
And remember, it’s not your responsibility to save your spouse’s business.

✨ Final Thought

This cash crunch will pass.
But the way you handle this moment will echo for years.

You can either prove the fear right — by panicking, punishing, and pulling away…

Or you can be the partner they hoped you’d be when they finally chose to tell the truth.

And that truth, as hard as it was to say, just might be the beginning of something more honest, more connected, and more powerful than either of you expected.

How and Why to tell her when Cash is tight

kelly@theentreprenewer.com (Kelly Clements) — Sat, 15 Mar 2025 19:04:19 GMT

Why hiding your business stress is hurting your marriage more than the money ever could.

Every entrepreneur has felt it.
Cash is tight.
Sales are slow.
You’re staring at spreadsheets at midnight wondering how to make payroll.

And when that pressure builds, most men do the same thing:

They shut down.

They get quiet.
Icy.
Distant.
They don’t want to worry their spouse.
They don’t want to “bring it home.”
They convince themselves they’re just protecting her and that it’s noble to keep her in the dark.

The reality is, you’re really protecting yourself from her stress. Knowing her stress will amplify your stress. You trust yourself to figure it out- somehow. But you know in the meantime, she’ll over react and make everything harder.

But here’s the truth:

Your wife doesn’t need you to have it all figured out.
She needs you to let her in.

Because what she feels when you withdraw isn’t “he’s protecting me.”

What she feels is:

“He’s hiding something.”
“I must not be safe to talk to.”
“He’s emotionally unavailable.”
“I’m not his partner, I’m just someone he reports to when things are good.”
He must not trust me or value my insights

And that?
That kills more intimacy than any balance sheet ever will.

Because fear of scarcity is one thing.
But fear of uncertainty is way more debilitating for a woman.
They’re afraid of feeling like they’re walking blind through your storm.
They’re afraid of being kept outside the circle you swore you’d build together.

And when imagination and logic are in conflict with one another, IMAGINATION ALWAYS WINS. It’s in the uncertainty that her imagination will make things way worse than they really are.

So what do you do?

You talk.

You sit her down and say:

“Things are tight right now, and I don’t have it all figured out- YET. But I will, and I wanted you to hear it from me—not from my mood, my tone, or my silence.”

“I’m carrying a lot right now, and I’ve been trying to protect you from it. But that’s creating distance—and that’s the last thing I want.”

“You don’t need to fix it. I just want you to know where I’m really at.”

That kind of honesty?

It’s scary as hell.

But it’s how emotional safety is built.

And when your wife feels safe?
She softens.
She supports.
She joins you.

She may even have a few secret weapon ideas up her sleeve.

And together, you become more resilient than any market dip.

Remember:
Marriage isn’t about never hitting a storm.
It’s about never facing one alone.

Don’t let your silence become more dangerous than the season itself.

Lead with honesty.
Invite her into the full reality—not just the highlight reel.
She doesn’t need perfection. She needs presence.

Because cash flow will come and go.
But trust?

That’s the real capital of your marriage.

If you’re married to an entrepreneur looking for your own support to navigate these conversations: click here

You’re One Courageous Conversation Away from a Brand New Marriage

kelly@theentreprenewer.com (Kelly Clements) — Sat, 01 Mar 2025 18:47:09 GMT

The moment that could save your marriage—or unlock a brand new one.

You’re not in a bad marriage.
You’re in a quiet one.
One where hard things go unspoken.
Where resentment simmers under politeness.
Where smiles mask growing distance.

And you tell yourself it’s “fine.”
You're not yelling. You're not cheating. You're not walking out.

But you’re also not talking.

Not really.

Not about the stuff that actually matters.
Not about the pain points, the hidden desires, the letdowns, the places where you both feel alone in the same house.

You're avoiding it—because deep down, you’re afraid.

Afraid that if you say what you really want… it’ll disrupt the proverbial apple cart.
Afraid of hurt feelings.
Afraid of their reaction.
Afraid of your own unworthiness.

But here’s the truth:

You are one courageous conversation away from a brand new marriage.

One conversation that says:

“I don’t feel close to you anymore, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“I’ve been carrying resentment I haven’t voiced.”
“I want more than just co-parenting and calendar syncs.”
“I miss the version of us that used to laugh, flirt, and desire each other.”
“I’ve stopped trying, and I hate that about myself.”

That kind of honesty?

It feels terrifying.
It feels like jumping off a cliff with no safety net.

But that is how real change begins.

Because without that conversation, you're just managing a façade.
Running a marital “brand” while the culture inside is quietly crumbling.

You know this in business.
You wouldn’t let a company rot from the inside just because “the numbers look fine.”
You’d face the hard thing.
You’d ask the tough questions.
You’d intervene—because leadership demands it.

Why should your marriage be any different?

Avoidance doesn’t protect the relationship—it poisons it.

The longer you wait to speak up, the harder it is to find your way back.

But the moment you choose courage over comfort?
You crack the door open for something better.

Not perfect. Not pain-free.
But honest. Aligned. Alive.

So here’s the challenge:
Before this week ends, have that conversation.

Not to fight.
Not to blame.
But to lead.

Because you didn’t marry her to share a roof.
You married her to share a life.

And sometimes, the path back to connection…
Starts with just one brave sentence.

Marital Engagement

kelly@theentreprenewer.com (Kelly Clements) — Sat, 01 Feb 2025 18:42:57 GMT

Your marriage may be suffering from the same disease that kills businesses.

Let me hit you with a hard truth that most entrepreneurs never stop to think about:

Your marriage may be suffering from the same disease that kills businesses.

And you may not even see it.

Let me explain.

Have you ever sat in your office at work, being sick to death of being the only person that seems to be solutions-focused?

Your team seems to be hell-bent on focusing on the problems. If they’re not complaining about the problems, they’re creating them.

They’re doing the bare minimum just to get a paycheck. Participation in meetings in lack-lustre and just once you’d love to hear someone, anyone , say “Hey! I have an idea…”

It’s employee disengagement at its finest, and it kills businesses by choking out its culture. Worse, it fast-tracks business owner burnout, because you’re bearing the brunt of your role, and everyone else’s you’ve hired.

“Why am I even paying these people?” you may have found yourself wondering.

((Spoiler alert, Gallup estimates that each disengaged employee can cost a business 18% of their payroll))

But if we invert this scenario to the home-front, might your comfort at home present as disengagement to your spouse?

It’s easy to spot in your team.

But it is a lot harder to notice in ourselves—especially at home.

THIS IS WHAT MARITAL DISENGAGEMENT LOOKS LIKE.

You get home at a reasonable time, but you need to decompress so you spend an hour scrolling on the pot. (Would you tolerate that from an EE?)

You make it to most of the kids' events, but you have no idea when they are, you need a couple reminders each day. (Would you tolerate that from an EE?)

You appreciate that dinner shows up on the table, and that the dishes somehow get done, you’re just not entirely sure what goes into all that.

You have a vague sense of what’s going on in your partner’s life, but listening to that much drama, quite frankly, numbs your brain.

Sex becomes mechanical, infrequent, or nonexistent — not because of stress or circumstances, but because no one initiates.

Apathy replaces conflict — not fighting anymore, but not feeling close either.

Do I need to keep going?

If you’ve been telling yourself that “providing” is the same as “leading.”
…that being present physically is the same as being present emotionally.
…that carrying the weight of your business earns you a pass in your marriage.

Let me ask you this:
Are you bringing the same level of energy, initiative, and leadership to your relationship as you expect from your best employees?

Are you leading—or waiting to be led?
Are you initiating—or working to avoid tough conversations ?
Are you showing up with presence—or just clocking in at home?

Because here’s what we know from business:
A disengaged employee can cost a company up to 18% of their salary in lost productivity.
Now imagine what disengagement costs in a marriage.
It’s not just emotional. It’s personal. It’s generational.

And in some cases, it can cost you half of everything you’ve worked so hard to build.

SHE DOESN’T WANT A PAYCHECK. SHE WANTS A PARTNER.

Your wife doesn’t need another dependent.
She doesn’t want to be the one carrying the emotional weight of the household.
She doesn’t want to be the only one planning the connection, managing the energy, and holding the vision.

She wants a teammate. A leader.
A man who seeks what needs to be done—and does it.
Not out of obligation, but because he’s in it- with her.

Because here’s what no one tells you:
Marriage rarely ends with a single catastrophic moment.
It frays slowly—through a thousand missed moments, unspoken requests, unmet needs, and long stretches of emotional distance.

PEP TALK:

This isn’t about guilt—it’s about growth.
It’s a loving invitation to re-engage.
Because the role of “husband” isn’t a title you’re given once.
It’s a role you earn—every day.

HERE’S WHAT TO DO NOW

If you’re willing to admit that maybe—just maybe —you’re really just going through the motions…

Then you’ve got two choices:

Keep coasting. Keep believing your own hype. Keep hoping your marriage holds on while you stay emotionally off the clock.
Re-engage.
Not with guilt. Not with flowers. Not with grand gestures.
With consistency.
With presence.
With leadership.

Start showing up like the man she chose.
The man you promised you’d keep becoming.
Because tenure isn’t a performance metric.
And disengagement?

It doesn’t just kill productivity.
It kills marriages.

Road Rage: His Rage, My Withdrawal

kelly@theentreprenewer.com (Kelly Clements) — Wed, 15 Jan 2025 21:11:26 GMT

How to jump-start connection after road rage

You’re used to running at hyper-speed with your partner —everything has always been fast with him. But lately, your tolerance for his reckless driving is waning big time. You're sick of gripping the car door as he yells at another driver- yet again. If your husband's road rage feels like a deployed airbag in between the two of you, it’s time to raise the standards of care in your marriage or relationship.

Frequent road rage doesn’t just make drives stressful—it chips away at the emotional safety and intimacy that relationships need to thrive.

So how do you address this without it turning into another argument? Here’s your roadmap:

1. Choose the Right Time to Talk (Hint: Not in the Car)
Bringing this up while he’s red-faced and ranting at a tailgater? Not ideal. Wait for a calm, private moment where you both feel grounded. Start from a place of care, not confrontation.

Say this:
“I’ve noticed how upset driving makes you sometimes, and I feel tense when that happens. Can we talk about it? I want us both to feel safe and close—especially when we’re on the road.”

2. Name the Impact, Not Just the Behavior
It’s not just about yelling at strangers—it’s how that anger impacts you , your nervous system, and your relationship. Make that clear.

Try this:
“When you get so angry while driving, I feel scared and disconnected. It makes me shut down emotionally because it makes me feel like my safety isn't a priority, and I don’t want that for us.”

3. Hold Loving but Firm Boundaries
You're allowed to say no to being a passenger in unsafe emotional environments. Communicating your limits isn’t an ultimatum—it’s self-respect.

Say this:
“I love being with you, but if road rage continues, I’ll need to take separate cars or skip rides with you. My safety (and sanity) is a priority for me.”

4. Encourage (Don’t Demand) Growth
Suggest healthy outlets like stress management tools, therapy, or mindfulness—not as a punishment, but as a gift to the relationship.

Try this:
“I wonder if there’s something deeper under the surface when you feel that outburst in traffic. Would you be open to exploring that together or with someone?”

5. Celebrate Calm Moments
Reinforce the behavior you want to see. If he stays calm in a moment that would usually spark rage, say something. Positivity fuels change.

Say this:
When you noticed how he let that driver merge without reacting, a gentle “thank you”can go a long way

The Bottom Line:
Road rage may seem small in the grand scheme of marriage—but emotional safety is the bedrock of intimacy. If your partner can’t make the car a safe space, it will be hard to make the bedroom one.

By speaking up with love, holding boundaries or standards, and inviting change, you’re not just protecting your peace—you’re fighting for deeper connection. And that’s a ride worth taking.

Love in the Fast Lane: Why Road Rage Puts the Brakes on Intimacy

kelly@theentreprenewer.com (Kelly Clements) — Wed, 01 Jan 2025 18:32:13 GMT

Why Road Rage Puts the Brakes on Intimacy

Imagine you and your wife are heading home from date night. Everything has gone flawlessly. You had the sitter lined up in advance, reservations booked, you wore your best cologne and that shirt that she loves on you. Conversation flowed effortlessly and you laughed harder together than you have in years. You’d almost bet a dollar you felt her foot reaching for your leg under the table. You’re headed home, certain you’re getting lucky that night.

As you accelerate through the final intersection on your way home, a black Mercedes flies past you, swerving into your lane, narrowly avoiding your front bumper.

"Game on, mother*cker!” you think

You’re instantly activated. Your foot slams on the accelerator, determined to catch him. As you near his back bumper, the gestures and cursing begin but you show no signs of slowing down.

Asserting your dominance on the road has become the only mission.

The flash of frustration and temporary adrenaline spike has overcome the sense of romance and connection you were feeling just moments ago.

You catch a glimpse of your wife in the passenger seat, white knuckling the handles with terror in her eyes.

It’s Game Over for intimacy that night.

But why? You did everything else right. Don’t you get credit for that? Can’t she understand that had nothing to do with her. Can’t she overlook those thirty seconds of road rage and get back to the lightheartedness she had been in all night?

Nope.

Because reckless driving, road rage, aggressive maneuvers—these behaviors may not seem like a big deal, especially to entrepreneurs who thrive on speed, risk, and control. But in a marriage, they send a powerful and unspoken message: "Your safety is not my priority. My sense of significance is."

It’s not just about the road. It’s about the relationship.

When a man gets behind the wheel and drives like nothing can touch him, what he communicates is that he’s not thinking about who’s beside him. That moment of carelessness or bravado says, “ I need to prove something more than I need to protect you.”

And that message doesn’t stay on the road. It follows you into the bedroom.

Because here’s the truth: a woman who feels unsafe—physically or emotionally—is not biologically wired to desire sex. When her nervous system senses danger, it kicks into survival mode. And in survival mode, connection, intimacy, and pleasure are the last things on her mind.

Your wife needs to feel safe—not just physically, but emotionally. Safety is the fertile soil where intimacy grows. Without it, you’re looking at a lifetime of boring, obligatory sex.

However, when she feels protected, considered, and cherished, she softens, opens up, and desires closeness. That emotional safety translates to freedom, ease, and full expression in the bedroom.

So if you want more intimacy, more connection, more passion—start by driving like the man who’s taking his bride in a chariot down the red carpet of bedroom royalty.

And, if you’re a woman who finds yourself in this position with your partner, click here for some quick tips on how to navigate this relationship wrecker.

Balance and Biology: Filling The Ambition Gap with Feminine and Masculine Energy

Sun, 01 Dec 2024 04:31:00 GMT

Welcome back to the third and final part of this series. In Part 1 , we explored Beta, Alpha and Omega Zones on The Relationship Spectrum.

If you are like I was back in 2015, burnt out and teetering on divorce, or experiencing regular bickering and conflict in your love relationship, I invite you to pause every decision and every action before you read the book, Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart. Oh and don’t forget to share it with your partner.

“Why can’t you be exactly who I want you to be?”

If this sentiment is mirrored in your communication with your intimate partner, you are definitely not alone. In this third and final part of our series, we will explore balance and biology. Like so many entrepreneurial couples Kelly has coached over the last eleven years, you too, can transform your relationship.

Before we dive in, I invite you to learn a bit more about the philosophy behind The Entreprenewer Framework so you have a deeper understanding of the benefits that can come from filling The Ambition Gap with self-leadership.

At the end of this article, I am going to get vulnerable with you and share a personal journal entry I wrote in April of this year before sharing another tool to support you in Growing Your Business Without Growing Apart.

Alright, let’s dig into Kelly’s philosophy a bit.

Every human being leans into different zones that range from unhealthy to healthy in our love relationships. When we enter into an area that is not natural, we feel friction, thus leading to an inauthentic way of being that encourages conflict and polarity between partners.

Rather than stay in the internal and external conflict that friction creates, The Entreprenewer provides a simple, relationship regeneration system.

Have you heard of The Five Love Languages ? While wildly different, the similarity that you will experience with The Entreprenewer is that you and your partner will use a language that helps entrepreneurial couples create synergy, balance and alignment without fighting for it.

Through a new and natural dialogue that creates actions based on flow rather than force, Omega energy rises up out of the fertile soil of self-leadership.

Kelly takes the complexities that exist in entrepreneurial marriages and love relationships into a model that is ultimately easy to understand, creating two people with clarity and confidence who take action toward closing The Ambition Gap (introduced in Part II).

LISTEN TO KELLY TALK MORE ABOUT How to Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart on I WAS BORN TO DO THIS PODCAST with Speaker, Entrepreneur, Somatic Practitioner and Founder of The Emotional Institute & Creator of Femme! , Keira Brinton .

The magic detox she provides is based on self-leadership first. The Relationship Spectrum has been tried and tested by X amount of entrepreneurial couples. While the outcome is maintaining and expanding love between two people, it is based on the love and care each person gives themself.

Part II of this series stressed the importance of self-care and attention to health and wellbeing as the foundation for the ultimate goal, self-leadership. When we lead ourselves to water or put our masks on first, we are at our highest potential for expansive love.

Kelly is asking you to first understand your energetic motivations and tendencies in your relationship. From there, she helps you identify where you are currently positioned on the spectrum and consider taking meaningful action that opens up the possibility of receiving Omega (introduced in Part I ) energy in your relationship.

In this third and final part of this series, you will understand how to fill The Ambition Gap so you can find balance through a powerful part of your biological makeup.

Feminine and masculine energy driven by hormones and brain function, is the art of your relationship, the perfect recipe. If you happen to cook, you know that salt and acid neutralize each other. Feminine and Masculine energy behave similarly. Energy balance brings out the most vibrant flavors of your relationship and being off balance will mask them or even make love seem bitter.

When we are in full synergy with the masculine and feminine energy, we are authentic and aligned. Operating through truth and cooperation with our biology, opens our hearts more fully. Opening our hearts more fully, creates more expansive love.

An open heart shows up differently in different energies. The Relationship Spectrum helps entrepreneurial couples embrace that two people at play in their fullest, authentic energetic balance creates what Kelly calls the 1+1 = 3 energy, broken down in Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart.

Exponential growth and love that goes beyond self through a self-led life is mandatory for Healthy Beta and Healthy Alpha .

Making noise rather than music from your individual mix of feminine and masculine energy is far too common. It does not have to be this way.

Often due to various factors including societal norms, nurture, conditioning, culture, religious or spiritual beliefs and other outside factors, we often don’t realize that unhealthy patterns due to outside forces become unhealthily internalized over time.

The framework for entrepreneurial couples that Kelly Clements has created at The Entreprenewer is not asking to abandon your belief system.

You can release yourself from constraints through heart-centered communication and action.

This is the full premise of Kelly’s methodology and I am thrilled that you are continuing to read along. Have you subscribed to The Entreprenewer Newsletter? Subscribe here to our newsletter .

Beta and Alpha are ultimately metaphors for our feminine and masculine energetic and hormonal biology. To be clear, this is not male and female. Stress is managed differently based on biological sex but every man and every woman have different levels of hormones that lend to feminine and masculine energy.

People who were born male, use testosterone dominance to manage stress and those born female use their estrogen dominance to manage stress. Differences in activation display how these two hormones show up in varying degrees, healthy and unhealthy.

Beta and Alpha positioning on The Relationship Spectrum are representative of feminine and masculine energies. Beta, being feminine and Alpha, representing masculine.

As you might recall in Part I of this series, I described the Alpha force that both Kelly and I used with our husbands that backfired, leaving us frustrated enough to leave our marriages. We confused trying to verbally force them into being more of what we wanted with being motivating. We were in Unhealthy Alpha territory and it felt completely unnatural.

It wasn’t until both of us divorced that we saw our ex spouses in their full power. Unhealthy Alpha is overbearing and suffocating. Even though I now admit (in Part II of this series) that my greatest power as a leader in my life exists in Healthy Beta, my masculine energy still exists and comes out to play. Still, I take notice if that Unhealthy version of Alpha is showing up and now, with this language, I recognize it and course correct so as not to remain in that position.

Beta is not weak while Alpha is strong. Both carry extraordinary leadership qualities that simply show up differently. The world needs more Omega, the synergy between the two, so we can all break free from Unhealthy Alpha overpowering our individual strengths and compromising Self to the point of powerlessness.

You can create the energy balance the world needs in the context of your love relationship. As an entrepreneurial couple, this overflows into your business and flushes your entire life system with green, lush Omega fields.

Now that you understand the Alpha, Beta, Omega Framework , the importance of health and wellbeing as a foundation for self-leadership and the biology of balancing masculine and feminine energy, you can take concerted action toward transforming your love relationship.

There are many tools and techniques that The Entreprenewer uses in couples coaching that include the Alpha Beta Assessment from Part I of this Series and the 10×10 (What Makes Life Work) List in Part II.

“A great relationship starts with being willing to meet a need that isn’t yours.”

There are so many great tools to help entrepreneurial couples meet individual goals through The Presence Principles that Kelly outlines in Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart .

If you haven’t already, subscribe to The Entreprenewer Newsletter to receive more article series and posts with tools, techniques and concepts that help you thrive in the context of your love relationship so you can grow your business with the love and support that both of you crave.

Subscribe here to The Newsletter

As a writer, I use journaling as a tool that helps me find clarity and create the life of my design. A big part of that is staying true to what I want, without compromise, in love.

I invite you to set a timer for 7 minutes and write LOVE a letter.

If Love has no face, what would it sound like and feel like? How would it show up energetically? You likely have the answers because you have experienced it already. This exercise helps you recapture that energy and use it going forward.

Here is an excerpt from one of my journal entries, a letter to love.

“It feels real and authentic to me to invite you to experience all I have to give because that is the only way the true you and me, together and separately, will exist in love. I offer you a creative, adventurous life, delicious and healthy food and mountains to climb with wild enthusiasm. You exist in days filled with laughter and conversations. We connect through our eyes at the intersection where my high energy meets your calm character. We are together and separate at all times to cultivate independence and trust. I invite you to feel my courageousness so we can face our fears and move through hardships knowing that is the only way to grow exponentially.”

I encourage you to do this with your partner and exchange letters so you can absorb what the other person needs and can lend to arrive at Omega.

Purchase a copy of Kelly’s book, Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart .

The Entreprenewer uses a revolutionary approach that gears business tools and concepts toward entrepreneurial couples in a safe environment, giving both parties neutral territory to explore new personal frontiers so they can integrate the success of their business with success in their personal relationships.

Are you an entrepreneurial couple in need of private coaching? Schedule a consultation with Kelly . Stephanie Fee Maschek is a writer, Ghostwriter, Entrepreneur and Certified Master Health Coach who enthusiastically helps leaders who want to do big things, make bold moves, so they can ascend to their full potential.

Self-Leadership: How to Arrive at Healthy Alpha and Healthy Beta

Fri, 01 Nov 2024 07:14:00 GMT

Part II in a III-part series inspiring you to Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart.

Written by Stephanie Fee for The Entreprenewer

The burnout that I experienced back in 2015, explained in Part I of this Series, culminated in the end of my marriage and simultaneously, it was the start of an extraordinary journey of self-leadership supported by compassion for self and others in the form of placing my wellbeing and needs above everything else.

In this 2nd article in the series of 3, we will explore the journey of arriving at a point of self-leadership. I invite you to plug in your own stories as I tell you mine so you can fully engage with your own experiences and embrace the concepts and framework as you read along.

For over five years, before I bottomed out, I had neglected to make time to move my body, create free time to meditate and engage in some of my greatest loves in life like spending time in nature. Unbeknownst to me, I had become an Unhealthy Alpha who drove my now ex spouse into caverns of insecurity.

In Chapter 1 of Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart , Author and Coach, Kelly Clements shows us the contradictory nature of how Unhealthy Alphas AND Unhealthy Betas are perceived in the context of work and home. When I first read the book, I identified my burnt out self, in 2015, as an Unhealthy Alpha and I decided that my goal was to move into a Healthy Alpha state of being.

The Ambition Gap , the space where words like this are spoken due to the entrepreneur, or more ambitious partner, trying to force their significant other into being as driven as them, creates two defeated partners.

For more on The Ambition Gap , listen to Kelly on the 10X Talk with Dan Sullivan and Joe Polish .

Being self led is the key to moving from unhealthy on The Relationship Spectrum to healthy. It is the ability to move your own thoughts in a direction that leads to greater satisfaction in your relationship and in all areas of your life.

Leading yourself means that you also choose with whom and what you will consult for outside perspectives before making your own decisions that motivate you to reach your goals and actualize the rewards of success in intimacy and business based on what you ultimately think is best.

Living a self-led life, as Kelly stresses in the book, can only be achieved if we own our self-care before everything else.

Shifting from one place on The Relationship Spectrum to another solely depends on your ability to create space for that one thing that matters most. You. Your wellbeing is dependent on you knowing that everything in your life relies upon the level at which you are able to find balance.

This time, because you are cognizant of where you sit on The Relationship Spectrum, you can catch yourself before you end up unhappy in your marriage, partnership or intimate relationships. If you have already arrived at a breaking point, this may just be a breakthrough zone for you and your partner.

One of the most powerful takeaways I extracted from Kelly’s framework at The Entreprenewer, was the absolute knowing that no matter how well we are trained, life can still become overwhelming.

If we allow flow to turn into tumultuous waves that knock us off course, we can always come back to taking responsibility for our ability to shift anything that comes our way into an opportunity to paddle and confidently find our footing again.

In my 20s, I was trained as a team member of Strategic Coach on the importance of Free Days, strategic planning for my life and the development of healthy thought patterns. After I transitioned out of the company to get more diverse professional experience, I realized that the world could make maintaining all of the things that I had learned there very difficult if I allowed it. And it did.

I traveled extensively for work. Most of my friends were at work. My interests became my work and while I did maintain personal travel with my ex spouse for quite some time, I was struggling with my Unhealthy Alpha tendencies in my marriage.

Nothing felt good enough at home.

I got the guy I once wanted, the house I wanted, the car and the dog and a pool but it felt like I was living two lives.

At home I felt terribly misunderstood. At work I felt successful and seen.

I thought it was his fault or the fault of my career because leadership didn’t support wellbeing within the culture of the organization. The wine and spirits industry seemed to care more about making a statement of sustainability for marketing of organically grown wine than the sustainability of the health and wellbeing of the people who were ambassadors of the products adorned with symbols of green initiatives on the back labels.

I felt angry and assaulted before self-leadership arrived.

Feeling unhealthy was not the route I was willing to take any longer. Because I had no idea how to get where I wanted to go in regard to my health, I decided to begin by exploring. My love of travel could bring me to a place where I felt good in my body and confident in my ability to maintain my health over the course of my life. If I could figure it out, I would bring the work I did forward to help others.

Taking control of my health in the midst of up to 90% travel, over 10 meals out with clients and colleagues each week and the demands that came with my role was the biggest accomplishment of my life.

There’s no reward I could imagine to be any bigger than owning my health, wellness and well-being. Imagine that you can make your own statement of wellbeing every single day by taking even the smallest action of self-care to promote a self-led life.

In retrospect, I see the last 8 years of my life as overcoming my addiction to Unhealthy Alpha tendencies. In intimacy, this has been massive for me, learning that I can lead myself in a way that will naturally attract partnership that complements and meets my needs without FORCE!

It doesn’t have to be hard. No, it mustn’t be hard at all. When I say this, I am referring to the energy between intimate partners. When we constantly seek Healthy Alpha and Healthy Beta , the relationship lightens up.

One of my favorite quotes from Kelly in Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart, is “…She thought he put the stars in the sky and so, he did…” Referring to her ex husband’s success that took place in a new relationship he formed, tears welled up in my eyes.

What if we constantly say this to ourselves, first about ourselves, so we can emit this type of energy into our love relationship?

I invite you to use this powerful mantra inspired by Kelly’s story and see how the dynamic shifts in your love relationship.

If I put stars in the sky, the darker the stratosphere, the brighter we all shine.

How do we start putting stars in the sky so they can too?

A great place to begin is awareness.

Today, 8 years after my divorce, I have maintained my wellbeing through consistent attention to the emotional, mental and physical state of my way of being. I check in with myself every single day by simply noticing because space is the place we understand and understanding leads to meaningful action, more time, more energy and boundless love.

The main course of my day is acknowledging the evolving, non linear truths of each moment in regard to the extent and the effort that I place on my emotional, mental and physical wellbeing.

When I started telling the ugly and extraordinary truths about my tendencies, behaviors and habits, there was no outward or visible change. This time, I would take my time and begin with awareness.

Rather than forced, desperate attempts to change my physical condition in 21 days or be happy in 5, simple steps, the space I gave myself to sit with it all and think about my truths served as the base for letting go of Unhealthy Alpha.

Hi, I am Stephanie Fee and I proudly admit that my greatest strengths shine the brightest when I am in Healthy Beta. Beta, the B that I wanted to avoid so badly when I first opened Kelly’s book, is now what I know to be the space that I am most powerful in my business, in love and in all areas of my life.

When I cross into Alpha, Healthy Beta supports Healthy Alpha expressions and behavior. This is how I reach Omega. I can be in all zones on The Relationship Spectrum but I am most extraordinary in Omega. We all are. In leading others, the characteristics of Omega that I exude are those that others tell me are inspiring and motivating.

“Embracing Omega allows you to keep all of your power and all of your fire, but provides a respite from the constant grind of producing and initiating.”

How do we reach Omega?

Self-Leadership.

How can we lead a self-led life?

Taking care of ourselves first.

How can we do that when everyone and everything relies on us?

That’s exactly the reason we must care for ourselves first.

Omegas have the capacity to love fully and lead from the heart.

When I fall into Unhealthy Alpha , I am like a drill sergeant and that identity is so far from an authentic way of being for me – it creates friction and unrest inside of me, anxiety and fear.

In Part III, the final article of this series, we will explore harnessing feminine and masculine energy and the Omega Framework to help you understand how you can lean into this powerful zone on The Relationship Spectrum .

Don’t miss Part III. Subscribe to The Entreprenewer Newsletter .

Kelly uses a simple and powerful tool she learned from her late friend, Sean Stevenson , that he calls “The When Life Works List,” also called the 10×10 list. 10 things you do by 10am each day.

Let’s try it out together.

They don’t have to be big things. In fact, starting small is great if you have struggled to put your own self-care before everything else in your life.

The things you list, however, have to be things you enjoy.

Share these 10 things with your partner. Ask them to create their “When Life Works List” and share it with you.

Make your list today and share in the comments below with The Entreprenewer Community.

Next week, Part III and the final part of this 3-part Series will help you take the next step toward Growing Your Business Without Growing Apart .

Purchase a copy of Kelly’s book, Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart .

Are you an entrepreneurial couple in need of private coaching? Schedule a consultation with Kelly .

Stephanie Fee Maschek is a writer, Ghostwriter, Entrepreneur and Certified Master Health Coach who enthusiastically helps leaders who want to do big things, make bold moves, so they can ascend to their full potential.

The Relationship Spectrum: Are You an Alpha or Beta?

Tue, 01 Oct 2024 21:49:00 GMT

Part I in a III-part series inspiring you to Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart. Written by Stephanie Fee for The Entreprenewer

“Where do you want to go for dinner,” he would ask me.

“What movie do you want to watch?” he would inquire as we spent what felt like an hour sifting through Netflix, struggling to make a final decision, nearly falling asleep in the process.

“Please choose a place to go tonight. I’m happy with any decision you make,” I would respond. ’ll watch anything you think we should watch,” I would say decisively in my indecision.

“But I want to make sure you like the food,” he would say in a tone that made me think he was predicting my criticism. He almost sounded afraid to make a choice.

After more back and forth, I would begin to get frustrated.

“Please, just make a decision. I have been making decisions all day and you know me, if I have a strong opinion, I will tell you. Why are you so afraid to just pick a damn restaurant or a movie?”

The longer this dialogue would last, the higher the odds I would shoot back at him, puncturing his worth and masculine energy with my verbal bullets.

Insinuating that he was cowardly for not being able to simply, “Tell me what to do!” I rarely got the version of him I was asking for.

Hello, I am Stephanie Fee, and I am a recovering resistant Healthy Beta and a former, full-time, wannabe, Healthy Alpha. We will get to what these terms mean over the course of this article.

I know, intriguing, isn’t it? As an entrepreneur or the partner of an entrepreneur, you live in unique circumstances. This means that your relationship requires a special methodology to truly thrive.

I invite you to this three-part series as I share with you how the book, Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart by Author and Coach, Kelly Clements can transform your relational health and well-being and inject your business with a huge return on your investment in working the method that Kelly so simply and powerfully outlines in the book.

Don’t miss part 2 and 3 of this series. Subscribe to The Entreprenewer Newsletter

contact – Kelly (theentreprenewer.com)

When I began reading Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart by Kelly Clements, my mind wanted nothing to do with Beta energy of any kind. Beta stands for B, the second letter in the alphabet and well, I like to win and have considered myself Alpha in all contexts of my life.

“Beta is the more accommodating partner, the yielder. They can easily oblige, go with the flow, allow, and accept. They are wired to support and keep the peace…”

Reflecting on these small daily moments with Him, I understand now that as an entrepreneur, I was begging for leadership at home rather than leading in pursuit of a partner who felt confident in taking the baton when I passed it to him. I became an Unhealthy Alpha presence that unknowingly left the men in my life feeling less than capable with me around, or at least that is how I think about it in hindsight.

“…Alpha is the more dominant partner—the leader. They are self-assured, confident, driven, and unyielding. Alphas are wired for self-preservation and maintaining their independence.”

To be clear, I did not want that dynamic. I unknowingly perpetuated it.

To put it simply, I believe that if I had understood The Relationship Spectrum, as Kelly outlines in the book, I could have saved myself a lot of distress in intimate relationships.

One of my favorite quotes, “Don’t let a tragedy go to waste,” a slightly altered version of something Winston Churchill said, brought me here, to offer you my truth.

At the end of this article, I hope you look forward to seeing your face in the mirror to confront what exists so you can take the first step toward “making your relationship an energy generator,” as Kelly states in the book.

“He,” who I mention as the person who neglected to lead in intimacy, is used in this article as a singular pronoun for the men that I loved but struggled to stay engaged with over the course of our long relationships.

Choosing to generalize the “He, Him” character that I will reference in this article is not a pointless stereotype.

There were consistent dynamics in my most treasured intimate relationships due to me working against my authentic position on the Relationship Spectrum.

He was struggling with this as well but rather than drag him into this any deeper, in this article, I venture to say that if I would have stepped up in my authentic place on the spectrum, there would have been a natural opening for him to find his positioning.

On Easter Sunday of 2015, the day after I moved out of the home that I built with my ex husband, I woke up on the floor of my new apartment. Hungover from accepting drinks from friends helping me “celebrate” the relationship I never intended to end, I looked around and all I could see were boxes filled with stuff I had yet to unpack.

On the spectrum, there are only 2 points of authentic positioning,

Healthy Alpha and Healthy Beta.

Both zones are good, neither one is weaker than the other or necessarily parallel to any other role you play in your life.

In tandem and more importantly, when weighted to the natural tendencies of the individual, they become Omega.

Omega is a perfect balance of Healthy Alpha and Healthy Beta. Omega can lead unapologetically and yield humbly. Omega has sharpened her intuition with a knowingness of when it’s time to offer advice, hold boundaries, or be a raving fan.

Omega opens up possibilities, it is dynamic and it is always there waiting for us to meet it at the intersection of the balance between Healthy Alpha and Healthy Beta.

Instead, Kelly gives us clear indicators of where we are falling on the spectrum at any time and in any context of our lives with tools to bring us back to a Healthy state of Beta or Alpha that results in extraordinary Omega energy.

By the time my divorce was finalized, Kelly and I had known one another for over 10 years. We met through our work as Program Advisors at Strategic Coach .

Over the course of working together, our relationship grew into a friendship that flourished in the midst of both of us experiencing chronic relational distress in our marriages. She shares her story in “ Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart. ” We discovered that we had overlapping experiences with our now ex spouses due to the contrast between our entrepreneurial aspirations over powering our husbands’ leanings toward contentment.

Getting up off of the floor was the first step for me and the biggest. I had a huge figurative headache that came with residual emotional, mental and physical messes that I had to clean up.

Gaping holes in my heart that had been filled in by the pursuit of outward success had to be filled with actions that made ME whole so I could BE love and share it rather than seek it in another person.

Filling in the gaps between me as a wannabe Healthy Alpha and a resistant Beta, was entirely up to the investment that I was willing to put into myself.

Had I known about The Relationship Spectrum, the work I did would have come with far less struggle. Of course there would be challenges but I had no framework and I am so happy that Kelly has provided this for entrepreneurial couples who feel lonely and frustrated by “trying to make it work.”

Where can YOU begin?

Let’s start with helping you identify where you fit on the spectrum, in your relationship, as it stands TODAY.

Often we deny the truth, turning away from the mirror when we see a blemish. That morning, after I got up off of the floor, I looked in the mirror for an extended period of time. My fixation turned to my heart. It was good. It wanted to lead and also wanted to be led. Little did I know that looking at my truth that day would lead me to setting myself free.

May we help you discover your truth?

And remember, if there’s resistance, it’s likely there’s something inauthentic in there to work out.

Next week, Part II of this 3-part Series will help you take the next step toward Growing Your Business Without Growing Apart .

Purchase a copy of Kelly’s book, Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart.

Are you an entrepreneurial couple in need of private coaching? Schedule a consultation with Kelly.

Stephanie Fee Maschek is A Certified Master Health Coach, Ghostwriter and Entrepreneur enthusiastically helping leaders who want to do big things, make bold moves, so they can ascend to their full potential. Visit THE WILD LARYNX to view Stephanie’s writing services.

Are You Pastcasting?

Sun, 01 Sep 2024 13:12:00 GMT

Sometimes we grow faster than people’s perceptions of us!

If you’ve ever gone through a life experience so big that it changed you, you probably know what it’s like to be PASTCASTED. Or, maybe you’ve grown slowly, one decision at a time, yet still evolving faster than other’s perceptions of you.⁠

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You know how frustrating it is to have grown into a new person, yet you’re still treated as a version of you that no longer exists.⁠

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Pastcasting is a term I use when my clients express frustration that their spouse or team doesn’t give them credit for the positive changes they’ve made or the person they are growing into. They feel like they’ll constantly be villified for a mistake they made years or even decades ago.⁠

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When we pastcast someone, we keep ourselves in a destructive cycle because we presume our old stories are still true. We stay focused on old versions of our partner without giving them the freedom to evolve into a better version of themself.⁠

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In turn, we miss the opportunity to actually enjoy the growth of our partner and the improved relationship that brings. Our work then becomes to stay focused on our own growth, and not our partner’s historic shortcomings- that may no longer be relevant.⁠

This growth isn’t always positive. Sometimes we cling to the great versions of our partner (or a job, or a friendship) that were fantastic in the beginning. But it’s been a loooong while since we’ve seen a glimmer of that positive aspect we loved so much. This can be equally destructive because it keeps us stuck in unhealthy or toxic situations for far too long.⁠

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Is there an old story you’re ready to release?⁠

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If you prefer video content, be sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel .

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Kelly

5 Ways for Entrepreneurs to Have Better Relationships

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 22:44:00 GMT

The traits that make entrepreneurs successful in business are the same traits that cause challenges in relationships.

A lot of people assume that the divorce rate is higher among entrepreneurs because of the time and energy running a business demands. That’s partially true, but if we only try and “fix” the time we spend running the business, we may miss a crucial opportunity to become holistically better for our loved ones. In other words, we can be completely disciplined to staying present to family on nights and weekends, but if we don’t pay attention to the bigger picture, we may still be causing unnecessary challenges in our relationships.

Allow me to explain.

I’ve been coaching entrepreneurs since 2004. In 2010, I began having more attention on the role of the spouse, and throughout this time, I’ve confirmed that a supportive spouse can make or break a business, and a self-aware entrepreneur can make or break a relationship. I’ve also noticed a critical blindspot most entrepreneurs struggle with in their personal relationships. And that is…

The traits that help them be fantastic business owners, can be a real challenge in our personal relationships.

If you consider other traits that make people successful entrepreneurs, you might think of traits like:

Passionate
Well-connected
Innovative
Great Delegators
Competitive
Risk Taker

As you can imagine, those traits can be real powerhouses in business- but they can show up differently at home.

So if we’re passionate in business we can be emotional at home.

If we’re well connected in business, we can be spread too thin at home.

Innovation in business can show up as chaos at home.

Great delegators in business? Lazy at home.

Being competitive in a business is great. Being competitive in a relationship? Not so much!

And while being a risk taker in a business is necessary, if your partner doesn’t match your risk tolerance, that can be a recipe for disaster.

If you’re an entrepreneur AND in a relationship or looking for love, I have 5 tips I’d like to suggest to help you strike business & relationship gold!

1) First, identify the qualities that have helped you build a successful business, then see if you can identify how they might be working against you. Often, anytime we take any of our strengths too far, we can get into trouble. So before anything else, build awareness around which qualities might need some reigning in.

2) Raise the Floor. This is a concept Nic Peterson talks about in his book Bumpers . I’ve applied this concept to our own behavior as it helps us stop making excuses like “that’s just the way I am”. That fixed mindset thinking can keep us repeating cycles of broken relationships. Raising the floor of our behavior acknowledges that there is room for growth, without feeling like we have to change completely.

3) Consider the compliment-to-criticisim ratio between you and your spouse. Are you guys complimenting each other more, or criticising? If you two have become more critical of one another, try focusing on offering more intentional compliments or praise to your partner and see if they follow suit. Often, the traits that initially attract us to our partner become our annoyances later on, so see if you can get back in touch with all the great qualities your partner has. We go into this extensively in my online course, and if this is an area you and your partner could use some support with, we’d love to have you join us in our next group. You can click the link below for more information.

4) Build in some buffer time between work and home. This might mean taking the scenic route home to fully decompress. If you work from home, it might mean a workout or a walk between work and family time to help shift gears. And, for an optimal transition, as soon as you get home or finish working for the day- go find your spouse or partner, go up to them, wherever they are in the house, and give them a squeeze. A proper hug that lasts for 6 seconds. A 6 second hug will help sync up your central nervous systems to help get you aligned at the end of the day, rather than feeling like worlds are colliding.

5) Have a code word for when you might unknowingly be inching toward the danger zone. My partner and I use the word Chopsticks. See, as a coach, one of my superpowers is that I can identify when one of my clients isn’t being fully honest or aware about their circumstances. I have these zinger questions that help them pivot their thinking to see more options. As a coach, that’s a great quality! But for people who aren’t expecting or even interested in being coached, that’s a real turn off. We first encountered this on one of early dates. We were out for sushi and we had covered a lot of territory on our first few dates, but, per usual, I wanted to go deeper. As we sat at our table and the dinner progressed, my questions got more and more pointed. Finally, he looked up at me and said, “I don’t really know? I haven’t thought about a lot of this before, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m just not sure I want to answer all these right now”. I LOVED that he held that boundary and so right there at the table, I looked down at the chopsticks in his hands and said, “Deal! I totally get it, and from now on, anytime I go too far, you can just say ‘chopsticks’ and I’ll stand down.” To this day, we still use that strategy when we have guests over and he can tell I’m getting ready to strike and start peppering people with questions.

I hope you’ve found a few pearls of wisdom in our time together. And, watch for my next YouTube video when I cover the crucial role of the spouse and how to build a marriage that functions as a three-legged race!

Kelly

Resentment is an Invitation

Mon, 01 Jul 2024 18:41:00 GMT

Hello Friend!

Each week a common theme emerges in my coaching. Often, I find myself responding to similar questions from most of my clients. I figured if it’s happening in my client base, there’s a good chance it is happening in the broader community as well. So, each week, I’ll be sharing these themes & resources with you. This week…

Resentment.

As we settle back into post-holiday, “new normal” life, the theme this week has been resentment.

Lots of us seemed to have a heavy, unsettling period between Thanksgiving and the New Year. Whether it was illness, depression, holiday stress, etc., many report feeling like the bottom dropped out over this period.

Now that the fog has cleared, many are starting to look back and ask, “what the heck was all that?” and resentment is starting to creep in.

People resenting their adult siblings for various boundaries held over the holidays.

Co-parents resenting the other for the way they handled the holidays with the kids.

Spouses resenting their partner for how “unengaged” (unaffected) they are with the pandemic…

RESENTMENT TRICKS US

The thing about Resentment is that it tricks us into believing that if “that other person” would just change their behavior to reflect our reality, we would be a lot happier.

The reality of resentment is that it is really just showing us what we wish we could be doing, too.

When we can recognize resentment as an invitation for us to join “that other person” in the activity we resent, we actually rise into our own true happiness, rather than requesting the other person to join us in our suffering.

It can be a hard pill to swallow, to put down the sword and not only let the other person off the hook- but THEN JOIN THEM in the behavior we have been condemning. But the relief that shift offers us is exponentially freeing because we release the anger and our suffering.

Are you feeling resentment in your life? What’s possible for you in a shift toward embracing resentment as an invitation?

All the love, and ease, your way

Kelly

My Holiday Wish for You

Sat, 01 Jun 2024 18:23:00 GMT

Greetings love,

Each week a common theme emerges in my coaching. Often, I find myself responding to similar questions from most of my clients. I figured if it’s happening in my client base, there’s a good chance its happening in the broader community as well. So, each week, I’ll be sharing these themes & resources with you. This week…

May I wish on your behalf?

The theme this week has been weight. Weight as in a heaviness…some feel it on their shoulders, some feel it in the heart, some feel like their head is clouded. Others feel like their feet are in cement.

If you find yourself in any of these camps, my wish for you this week is ease. I wish you a space to let the small animal of your body curl up and find it’s creature comfort of easeful rest. I wish you the release of expectations and the acceptance of peace in any moment. I wish for you presence to your needs and allowance to receive them.

And, if you find yourself in the camp of joyful holiday cheer, I wish for you the full expression of all your joy. I wish you access to your favorite people with your favorite recipes and your favorite traditions. I wish you belly laughs and the magic of looking to the night skies; indulging your inner child in the possibility that maybe, just maybe, Santa is real.

For all, I wish for you a return to your favorite self, fueled by love, truth, and belief in miracles.

Kelly

Marriage Modeling

Wed, 01 May 2024 19:11:00 GMT

Marriage Modeling. This theme is particularly important among women with daughters; there is an extreme awareness of how they are modeling marriage to their daughters. The 2017 upheaval of the Me Too movement has placed new accountability on women to ensure we modeling boundaries and self-respect to our children- especially our daughters. The 2020 shut-down forced an extended period of self-reflection that has fast-tracked this pursuit.

The trends in divorce now show that more often, women are initiating divorce because they are no longer willing to settle. In fact, upwards of 70% of all divorces are now initiated by women.

How this is showing up in my practice is that partners are feeling confused. “This is the way our family has always functioned. I don’t understand why now, there’s this huge problem that has come out of nowhere.”

Here is what I have to offer those couples: “The Great Resignation is no longer limited to corporations. Just as employees are no longer willing to tolerate long commutes to work, toxic office culture, bogus bureaucratic policies, or being responsible for work that doesn’t fulfill them; spouses are no longer willing to tolerate feeling alone in the marriage.”

We are in a major societal shakeup and believing that our marriages and families are immune to that is setting us up for major challenges. This is not a time for getting back to basics. This is a time to redefine what the basics are, and start building from there. Be sure to treat it as a collaborative effort where both parties are clear on what their marriage fundamentals are going forward.

As Glennon Doyle brilliantly asked: “If you wouldn’t WANT this marriage for your children, why are you STAYING in this marriage for your children?”

Working with couples to define a version of marriage they are proud of has been really interesting. Watching both partners make changes to integrate that vision has been really rewarding work. If you’re on this journey, keep going!! It’s the kind of work that makes a personal impact that lasts for generations.

Questioning Your Relationship with Alcohol

Mon, 01 Apr 2024 18:47:00 GMT

Hello Friend!

Alcohol has been a big topic for a few weeks now. During the pandemic, many couples expressed an uptick in their drinking as a way to manage stress, entertain themselves, and feel connected during such extreme isolation. In recent weeks/months, I’ve seen the impact of that choice catching up with many people. In most cases, one partner is noticing that the drinking has gotten out of hand, and the other partner is maintaining they’ve “got it all under control” and don’t see it as a problem. I hear things like “I don’t know what they’re so worried about. They drink too. So what if I have a few drinks every day?”

Every once in a while, someone might say, “yeah, I’m drinking more than usual, but I wouldn’t say I’m an alcoholic. Maybe I am? What even defines an alcoholic?”

Obviously, this is an issue that requires a professional who is devoted to understanding and treating addiction. But when clients are grappling with “is this really an issue”, a coach can often be the first stop.

Here are the filters I run my clients through to help them understand if they might be a candidate for treatment:

Is it causing problems in any of your relationships ?
Is it causing problems at work ?
Is it draining your finances ?
Is it monopolizing your time ?
Is it constricting your energy ?

We’re either expanding or contracting. If there is something (anything) in your life that is contracting your relationships, time, money, and/or energy, it’s worth considering how much better off you would be without it.

My favorite resource to share with people (particularly entrepreneurs) who are beginning to navigate this conversation is Genius Recovery. If you or someone you love is struggling with alcohol or any other addiction, start here: https://geniusrecovery.org/open-letter/

If you’re clear that you don’t need full-blown recovery, but are ready for a healthier relationship with alcohol, consider a “SOBER CURIOUS” challenge among friends. Being “Sober Curious” is not a commitment to full-blown, long-term sobriety. It’s simply committing to being alcohol free for an indefinite period of time while you are exploring your relationship with alcohol. It allows careful examination and consideration before drinking to ensure you are choosing from a place of health & empowerment — not addiction.

Kelly

Holidays with Family: Pass the Love, Skip the Drama

Fri, 01 Mar 2024 19:46:00 GMT

In recent years, politics alone were enough to make Holidays with extended family less enjoyable. Layer on opposing values of vaccination status vs. personal health freedom, a dash of any social justice topic (any cause will do), a pinch of environmental concerns, and a heaping dose of financial speculation- and it’s a recipe for holiday disaster.

Here are some solutions if you’re starting to feel that holiday dread:

1) Bring a dish to pass- and a game. If, at their core, your extended family are people you love and enjoy, and you know you can keep hot-button topics off limits, it’ll help to have something else to focus on. Instead of gathering around the kitchen, filling the silence with passive virtue signaling, play a game instead. Play helps connect us with our loved ones in a way that no other activity can offer. It offers laughter, strategy, and connection that can unite even the most politically opposed parties. So, throw in a deck of cards, a bunch of dice, some board games, or even a scavenger hunt, and let the games begin!

2) Set boundaries. Often, setting boundaries can feel like an act of aggression. We see them as a way to keep our loved ones at a distance. In reality, it’s the opposite. Boundaries legitimately sustain the relationship. They communicate to our family that we love them and value their continued engagement in our lives. The way we get to sustain that relationship is by honoring the ways that we move one another forward- and releasing the ways we are holding one another back. Boundaries on the holidays might sound like this: “Really looking forward to celebrating with you this year! I know we’ve had our differences, but that doesn’t change how much I love your (insert favorite quality here). I’m really looking forward to celebrating with you so I’m committed to not engaging in divisive conversations. Can I count on the same from you?”

3) No, thank you. A simple “No, Thank you” is enough if you’ve aged out of feeling guilty for wanting to avoid toxic family gatherings. Instead, you might start your own new tradition. Or, you might focus on celebrating with a smaller group who shares your beliefs and supports your growth. I assure you, you are not alone if you’re no longer willing to play the reindeer games with toxic family members. Remember, The Great Resignation is no longer limited to corporations.

It’s good work we’re doing here; getting really clear on what this next iteration of life will look life for us. Keep seeking. Ask questions. Look deeper. Think bigger. It’s all getting us to where we’re going.

And, if you have a topic you’d like me to address, let me know! It may make it into the next newsletter!

Kelly

The Pandemic and Entrepreneur Relationship Struggles

Thu, 01 Feb 2024 20:06:00 GMT

Hello Again!

It’s been a long while. Call it a combination of fear of saying the wrong thing, depletion from coaching all day, and repulsion from alllll the noise, I disengaged from the virtual world, including my email list.

Instead, I started writing my second book.

I found it cathartic to sit at a screen, in my own little bubble, and just write about the observations of what I was witnessing in entrepreneur relationships. The same issues were continually coming up for my clients in the UK, Sweden, Canada, all over the US, and Hawaii.

The pandemic and subsequent shut-downs forced entrepreneur couples to start dealing with all the “cans that had been kicked down the road” for years. The typical escape routes of busy schedules, gyms, work trips, and kids’ activities closed, and suddenly, there they were; face-to-face with a spouse they couldn’t tell if they loved or hated.

What all issues boil down to

In the absence of all the noise, we were able to reduce all of their issues down to one detrimental factor: CONTROL.

In short, they were looking for deeper connection, but felt too controlled, judged, or manipulated by their spouse to let their guard down.

I saw these relationships were simply a microcosm of society-at-large. The common denominator in my entrepreneur clients’ relationships were being perfectly reflected in the saga happening in the world.

Honoring security and autonomy

It was all coming down to one thing…

A DESIRE TO HONOR SECURITY & AUTONOMY INSIDE A POLARIZED SYSTEM.

Is there room for safety and freedom? Of course.

Is there room for science and conscientious questioning? Definitely

Is there room for marriage and individuality? Absolutely (and its necessary)

Is there room for passion & parenting? Sure

Is there room for ambition & contentment? Yep

There’s room for all of it, but it requires an absolute clarity and commitment to knowing our own truth. I’ve found that pursuit has skyrocketed on the priority lists lately, which can shake the foundation of an established relationship.

Do these evolving values mean the relationship ends? Not necessarily.

But integrating new values into an existing relationship can be tough. I’ve spent the past 18 months helping established couples redefine their relationships. It’s opened up some REALLY juicy strategies that I’m excited to share.

So, I wanted to start there and say hello so you have some context for my messages again. If you’re feeling compelled to give voice to your truth, whether it’s in a relationship, or work, or community setting, I hope you find that voice.

Know I’m celebrating that voice and the courage it takes to use it.

All the love,

Kelly

So, Here We Are: Social Distancing & Homeschooling

Mon, 01 Jan 2024 18:54:00 GMT

DURING THIS TIME OF SOCIAL DISTANCING, HERE ARE A COUPLE OF HELPFUL RESOURCES TO HELP YOU MAKE IT THROUGH.

Hi love!

It’s an extraordinary time for so many of us and what I am finding across the board is how closely everyone is evaluating everything.

Our homes

Our work

Our teams

Our families

Our cash

Our food

Our future

Our options

It’s all up for grabs right now and where the pieces land will depend entirely on us. I’m attaching a few links to relevant resources that may be useful to you right now.

The first link is to a recent podcast I recorded with my partner, Amanda Klimak. Both of our businesses were immediately impacted by the reduction in travel and events, so we can definitely relate to any of the challenges you’re facing right now.

Power of the Pause Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4NLdIBSXGyuvDUbJ1BDDFN

The next link will be useful to anyone faced with the sudden role of home school teacher. I interviewed my friend Kaleena Amuchastegui who is the author of The 5 Hour School Week and she drops some serious help on this interview.

Homeschooling Interview: https://youtu.be/8vwEhZ7KlRc

One thing I know FOR SURE right now is how necessary this pause was. I could feel it in the exhaustion of my clients. I could feel it in the depletion and separation of humanity. And the cries of our planet. I’ve been feeling primal during all of this and am welcoming the reboot of all the new possibilities that await us on the other side.

If you could use some grounding techniques to help you through these times, please let me know. We’re all in this together.

All the love. All the hugs. All the rest.

Kelly

Entrepreneurs and Marital Success

Fri, 01 Dec 2023 19:46:00 GMT

Time stamped show notes from The Road Not Taken podcast, where Coach Kelly Clements talks about entrepreneurs and marital success. LISTEN TO THE PODCAST HERE.

1:20 KELLY’S INTRODUCTION – How Kelly coaches both the entrepreneurs AND spouses, who play a vital role in the business. Harmonizing marriage and business. Attention and focus on intersection of work and family. Specialty is helping BOTH people stepping into their extraordinary because she believes it takes two extraordinary people to create one extraordinary relationship, which involves the spouse in her coaching.

5:00 HOW SPOUSES OF ENTREPRENEURS FEEL: Spouses getting lost in their spouse’s entrepreneur journey. Coaching entrepreneurs and started working with their spouses. Story of how the spouses at a retreat went quiet because they didn’t know how to think about HER life, answer questions about HER life, didn’t feel like it even mattered, where is passion and purpose going to fit in this entrepreneur life?

6:30 COACHES AND RESOURCES ARE EVERYWHERE FOR ENTREPRENEURS, BUT NOT SPOUSES! Entrepreneur coaches everywhere… so many resources for entrepreneurs- masterminds, podcasts, books, blogs, seminars, retreats, so much support and resources for entrepreneurs… they are always learning and growing. Disconnect with spouses, who do not have the same support and resources to learn and grow. Spouse feels intimidated. In Kelly’s experience, the more advanced the spouse got, the better the balance and the intersection of everything that happens between work and home.

10:00 CHANGE AND TRANSITION: HOW USING A COACH CAN HELP . We love change (losing weight, losing weight, earning more money, building a new house) but there is fear wrapped around it. What we fear is the transition, not the change. We fear the small steps. Purpose of having a coach for this transition is to reduce some of the complexity and uncertainty that comes along with the transition to get two extraordinary people.

13:00 HOW SPOUSES OF ENTREPRENEURS FEEL (PART 2) Spouses might think “I know I shouldn’t feel like I have any problems. It doesn’t feel like I should have any reason to complain. I feel like I have to qualify any pain I might be experiencing because I do have a great life! I have a big life that others dream about so who am I to complain?” Fact is, we have a great life, and part of the creation of that great life is maybe having to sacrifice some of our own dreams, desires, ambitions, compacities, to support this life and any time there is a disconnect between what we are doing between our daily lives and what is really around somewhere in our heart and soul, even if you don’t know what that is, of course there is a pain, and a feeling of a void, and the mistake is we assign that feeling of something missing or that void to our partner.

14:00 SPOUSES SUPPORT THEIR ENTREPRENEUR BUT CAN PUT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THEIR HAPPINESS ON THE ENTREPRENEUR. Spouses are more than happy to support their entrepreneur and help them with their business and be in the relationship but in exchange for making the spouse solely responsible for all of their happiness. Which is unfair to put on anyone.

14:30 SPOUSES MIGHT FEEL A VOID. When people feel a void within themselves, its easy to assign it to a relationship. The power comes from realizing that our romantic relationships are the most powerful and transparent mirror that we have in our life. When there is a feeling of a void or disconnect in a relationship, spouses need to get lined back up with their own desires.

15:15 THE COACHING PROCESS. How does Kelly help couples when she coaches? Most clients come from hearing Kelly speak. Generally, one spouse has heard Kelly speak. First there is an exploratory, discovery phone call. All of her coaching packages are quarterly. Kelly speaks weekly with partner 1 and partner 2 individually each week for three weeks. In those individual calls, they are working on their individual desires. Fourth week, one call a month is a couples call on what’s working, what’s not and what’s next. So much of work up front is who they are as individuals first. Monthly calls focus on the couple and what they want to co-create together.

17:45 THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COUPLES COACHING VS. COUPLES COUNSELING (Part 1) Marriage counseling has a lot of focus on wounds of the past and pain points. Coaching is great because it has a great modality to build a bigger future together. Kelly’s focus is to get couples to co-create a bigger future together. A lot of attention on desires and pleasure and what’s working. Its not as painful as counseling, they aren’t picking old wounds. Coaching offers a clean slate. Kelly has seen a lot of amazing marriages come back from some pretty treacherous scenarios, and when she holds that light for them and holds the positive expectancy in front of them that they can co-create whatever they want to out of their marriage, regardless of what they’ve been through, it’s really refreshing to a lot of her clients.

19:00 HOW DO YOU BRING COUPLES TOGETHER WHEN THEY HAVE DIFFERENT DESIRES? Whatever is taking up attention and space in their individual heads is what they focus on during their individual weekly calls. The monthly couples calls relates to where they are at in their relationship, how are we communicating together, where are our expectations aligned, how are we managing our schedules, is our time and resources being governed by other people’s expectations, are we living in a space of obligation and commitments, or are we living in a space of total co-creation and we are doing what we want and we are spending our time and resources on us instead of obligation.

20:45 WHY PACE IS A BIG FACTOR IN RELATIONSHIPS. Pace is a big thing in relationships. How to make sure their time away from work is as rejuvenating as their time in work.

21:00 ATTENTION ON PLAY AND RECREATION IN RELATIONSHIPS. Our dating relationship and what got us to the alter was play! Total enjoyment and pleasure. Talking about a bigger future of things we would do some day together. All of those conversations were an alignment that got us to the alter. Then we add a house, a business, kids, a dog… and whatever else comes with that lifestyle, our free leisure time and sense of play gets squeezed out the window. Leisure time and play is where love grows. Without it, we get in a rut, there is no time for us as a couple, there is a sense of obligation all of the time.

22:00 PLAY AND RECREATION IS POWERFUL Play and recreation is a really powerful vehicle to sustain that sense of love and connection in our relationships. Kelly has her clients look at the function of their free leisure time to protect their relationship. Play together! Be in action together! Do more than talk about the house and the kids.

23:00 KELLY’S COACHING PHILOSOPHY: BEGINNING WITH A CLEAN SLATE. Do you ever send couples to therapy counseling first? Kelly hasn’t yet. One of the reasons she thinks clients take the route of coaching over counseling is because of her philosophy of beginning with a clean slate, and hashing through it and what do we want to create out of this. Yes, of course we are going to talk about what lead to it, red flags, ignoring boundaries, all of those things on an individual level, but all of them have come out successfully, are rebuilding, have the phoenix from the ashes story. Some clients have done therapy counseling parallel to coaching.

26:30 Coaching vs Therapy counseling (Part 2) – Coaching is people moving forward, not always digging up the past. Kelly is a huge advocate for therapy, especially if people think that’s the right path for them. That’s why it’s important to have that distinction between the two, if you feel like therapy is necessary for hashing out the past and opening old wounds, and there are deeper underlining things to explore, therapy is for you. Its important for Kelly to manage the expectations of her clients. If they feel like they want to look back, that’s not where they are going with her coaching.

27:30 KELLY EXPLORES THE ROLE OF SHAME WITH HER CLIENTS Sometimes people resist therapy because they don’t want to look at the past. If there is something there that you don’t want to look at there is a good chance that that’s where your shame is growing because shame thrives in isolation and if you are avoiding something from a place of shame, know that no matter what degree of coaching we do, we are only going to be able to get so far if you don’t address whatever is stirring for you in the background that you don’t want to talk about.

28:10 KELLY EXPLORES WITH CLIENTS IF THEY EDIT THEIR STORY (PART 1)? Do you have exercises that your clients do to process things from the past, especially repeat behaviors and limited beliefs because they have to come from somewhere? Where Kelly focuses the most with that is where do you find yourself editing your story? Are you steering a conversation away from the that one piece of information that you don’t want anyone to know about? Where are you spinning your story so that you don’t have to talk about that one thing? This doesn’t mean you have to let every skeleton out of the closet… but when we spend a lot of energy editing and managing our story or our perspective, that’s an indicator that there is some growth to do in that particular area. Whether its bringing more attention to it, maybe with therapy, or maybe its talking to the person in your life that it affects, but coming clean about it because keeping it in isolation becomes a greater and greater sense or source of shame which is always the thing that’s going to hold us back. When you are editing out of self-preservation and are spending so much energy and time managing that piece of information out, its better to use the energy just being honest with it.

30:45 CLIENTS EDIT THEIR STORY (PART 2) Are there things they’re editing out of my life story that are stopping growth or progress? Kelly gives the example of being a single mom and how she used to have shame around it. She didn’t relate to the story of being a single mom because to her the single moms are women who are struggling, no time for themselves, exhausted and totally depleted and she didn’t relate to that. So, in her mind she had a spin on it. Then she realized that she had shame around the term “single mom” not because she is a single mom but because she felt like, as a mom, sharing custody with her ex, she had shame like “I’m not going to have my kids this weekend” and “what kind of mom is without her kids on the weekend?” She had this spin around it and for what? It’s great that her kids gets to spend so much time with their dad, they have 50/50 custody, it’s amazing that they have a dad that they get to spend so much time with , that Kelly has time to focus on herself and her business, and because her kids are athletes, she still gets to see them at their games every weekend when they aren’t with her. What that did, it took the burden off of her but it also made her stop overcompensating with her kids. “I’m a really great mom!” When she wasn’t coming from a place of shame, and feeling like she needed to overcompensate, it made her so much more present to them and Kelly realized, “I’m a really great mom!” So many of her coaching clients identified with this when she shared it with them. Women, our identities get wrapped up by being a mom. She realized she was punishing herself in other areas.

34:00 ANY TIME THERE IS JUDGMENT ON YOURSELF OR OTHERS, IT IS SOMEHOW CONNECTED TO SHAME. How did this “single mom shame” ah-ha moment come about? Any time there is judgment on yourself or others it is somehow connected to shame. This is another good indicator to trace it back to that source of shame.

34:30 HOW KELLY USES HER EXPERIENCE AND HER CLIENTS EXPERIENCES IN HER COACHING: After her “discovery” experience – all of her work is about desires, and co-creation, what we want- her flavor of coaching always tends to be very positive and towards the light. “We are going to talk about shame.” She could feel her clients squirming, that wasn’t her brand of coaching they were used to. If this is our set point, if we want to grown this far, we are humans and we have so much duality, we have to look back in the shadows as deep as we want to expand because we expand in relation to each other. We can stay here and we can keep the shadowbox here but we can only get so far in our progress if we aren’t willing to move both of these together, relative together. Look at it, look where you are editing, look where there are judgements, when you are ready to talk about it, we will go there. So, when she gives them that perspective and sets that expectation, they have a new context for how to talk about it.

36:00 MORE ABOUT ARE YOU EDITING YOUR STORY (PART 3) One of the important topics that needs to be figured out is what is we are editing? “Are you editing that?” She tells her personal story, several wives identified with that similar shame.

38:00 MOST SPOUSES KELLY WORKS WITH DON’T KNOW THEIR DESIRES: HOW DO THEY GET STARTED? Sometimes it’s hard to dream big, be ambitious or excited, because they’re in an emotional funk. They know what they should do, but just can’t muster up the enthusiasm. How do you address couples or individuals who are holding back on their desires because their desires sound so modest and small? Kelly meets them where they are at. A lot of times one of the people in the couple is “I don’t even know what I want. I know this isn’t it. What direction do I start facing?” Early on, they are just trying things on. Does this feel right? One of my gifts is I have a really strong intuition in that I can hear where there is potential. There is something I can hear in my clients where I can go deeper. I have a lot of focus on the words they are using. I can tell when I’m getting there because I always say if you can’t talk about your purpose or your desires without a lump in your throat or a tear in your eye, you’re not there yet. It’s a process of unraveling, it’s a safe space, there are no right or wrong answers, I use a lot of stories, whether from my own personal background or of my clients.

40:30 ME TOO MOVEMENT AND ALPHA WOMEN Kelly is really excited about everything that went down last year with the Me Too movement, feminine rising, dramatic shift with women, is really exciting to me because she has a forward perspective of it in that she sees the pendulum swinging in the way that the men might be trampled. Being able to work with entrepreneurial women and helping them with their relationships. Helping women understand the role of who we are as women, and how powerful it is and not misusing that power. Kelly thinks we have these magic powerful potent swords of creation and if we aren’t careful we use them as destruction instead of wands and when she talks about the power of a women and breathing life into their spouses, and coaching them on this.

44:00 WHO DOES KELLY COACH? Kelly coaches type A women, in groups. One-on-one couples coaching – mainly male entrepreneurs with entrepreneur wife or stay at home mom, working wife, maybe not career focused or purpose driven.

45:00 WHAT ARE THE COMMON LANDMINDS OR CHALLENGES YOU SEE BETWEEN THE ENTREPRENEUR AND THE SPOUSE? The universal one is things that make us successful in business can be really hard to live with at home. Driven, passionate, eye for excellence, committed, a lot of connections and relationships, creative, chaotic, all of these qualities serve us really well in business and we might get a lot of recognition and appreciation or applause for those qualities in business but then we get home but our passion is now anger, creativity is chaos or mania, our eye for excellence is perfectionism or OCD, our connections and relationships take away from our family… so its working well for us in business but not contributing to a happy, healthy household at home so there tends to be a lot more criticism at home. Focus on compliment to criticism ratio at home. Many entrepreneur men say the only vote of approval that they want is from their wife. The wife might think “I don’t want to make your head any bigger, the last thing you need is another compliment” Men are striving for their wife’s approval. Kelly starts with the compliment to criticism ratio. What we appreciate appreciates. Start to look for the good qualities in our partner and speaking into what’s working. Transitional habit of changing the dynamics. If there is a complaint worth lodging, great, say it, but also speak to what is working well.

48:00 HELPING THE ENTREPRENEUR SPOUSE – Help them with the feeling like they lost their sense of self. Maybe feeling disengaged or depleted. Maybe she’s left her career, hasn’t been engaged professionally for some time. Kelly believes amazing qualities came factory installed in you. Look at yourself independent from your kids, from your spouse, his business, her social circle, who are you at your best with your emotions, intellectually, spiritually, your health and fitness, the things that are happening within you that are unique to you, lets get those back online. Take an inventory on everything they spend their time on. What do you love, enjoy, tolerate, dread? Create space for things that you do love and enjoy. If you don’t know what those are, that’s what our work is together. Space for more passion and purpose. Kelly believes our passion lives in us. When people start looking for purpose, they look outward. I believe it’s a spiritual pursuit to start to focus on those because she knows our desires get us to where we are supposed to be. The power of purpose is the third component in her book, The Power of Play, Praise and Purpose.

51:30 PLAY. The word has a mindset stigma or notion that somehow Play is frivolous. Something that children get to do but not grownups. How is pivotal that is to the relationship getting started. After couples have kids, kids are so consuming, the first thing that goes for couples is Play. Play is one of the three components in her book, The Power of Play, Praise and Purpose.

52:30 KELLY MAJORED IN RECREATION IN COLLEGE. Came to Strategic Coach via a headhunter. Kelly learned Strategic Coach is basically a university for entrepreneurs. Their tagline is “Work Less. Make More.” People would come in to understand work-life balance, a foundational concept in their program.

54:00 WORK-LIFE BALANCE – THE IMPORTANCE OF A FREE DAY As entrepreneurs, we get to experience Flow State, where we totally lose track of time, we produce great results with very little effort, we get a high, we get in the zone, we become workaholics… and so when we are at home and we have to be in taskmaster mode, of course we’d rather be at work. So, PLAY puts us in the same brain space as Flow. We lose track of time, we get great results with little effort, we have fun, we learn… that’s why children learn through play. There is no point in our life when our life where our learning capacity through play changes, its always still there. A study: it took 144 repetitions to learn something new in an academic setting vs. four repetitions in a play setting for someone to really learn it. And that continues through adulthood. Play is another way to get into a Flow State and keep the time away from work as enjoyable as our time at work. I read a book by Mathew Kelly and he talks about love growing the space of carefree timelessness. Kelly pays attention to the importance of it. Its how our kids connect to us through play. Its how our spouses connect with us.

58:30 PRAISE. In her relationship, her partner always told her that her appreciation and validation made him feel bullet-proof. She saw him come to life through her praise and recognition. One of the other pieces about praise is that it really is a foundational piece to our intimacy (“into me you see”) when we can speak into the good things and the divine things we can see in our partner; it increases a sense of intimacy of being seen and appreciated. Especially after a long relationship together, it can be easy to point out flaws, we know exactly what buttons to push, and I think we lose attention or the sense of significant of really being able to speak into what we see in our partners. Sometimes if Kelly is running a men’s retreat, they say, “I try to appreciate her and compliment her”, and then women that she works with, they don’t feel worthy, they have to qualify it, sometimes it not the way they want to be appreciated. Find out what your spouse what is the best compliment that they want to receive? What do I really want to be appreciated for? What’s the highest compliment someone can give to me? When we know what our partner really wants to be recognized for, it loops into the intimacy cycle. The power of purpose is a second component of her book The Power of Play, Praise and Purpose.

1:02:00 COUPLES CAN CREATE WHATEVER THEY WANT, WHENEVER THEY WANT. That’s why Kelly loves working with the entrepreneurial demographic because they have the time and resource freedom that their counterparts who are employees probably don’t have. She wants to keep maximizing that freedom for them. Love is such a powerful, powerful elixir and its rocket fuel for our families and our business. That’s one thing she noticed working at Strategic Coach were the clients that would talk about their wives or husbands in a very affirmative way, those clients always had a different level of holistic success vs. the clients who were like “I can’t do this or that because my husband or wife is going to be mad, or won’t let me” had a marital grit. Really understanding that taking care of the marriage and people understand how to take care of each other better. Kelly wants to keep reminding powerful women that they can and should have a really powerful man by them and they can help bring that out regardless of where he is right now with the right mindset and the right tools. Kelly is excited about the whole notion of two extraordinary people, one extraordinary relationship. Somewhere along the way we agreed that there could only be one star and it has come at a cost to the partner of the entrepreneur. You can still be a star in your own right and helping your partner rediscover themselves-that is what I’m really excited about.

1:05:00 HOW TO GET STARTED? What is a good first step for people listening who want to get more onto that journey? There is no magic pill. Bring this home to your partner. Let the conversation come up. There is no right or wrong. Whatever is true for your partner is true for them. Let them be ok with that. Let there be space for that. Where can we do better? What do we want to do? Where do we start? It’s the fun part. You can to dabble until you figure it out. Talk about the compliment to criticism ratio. Talk about what you want to be seen for. It’s a great platform to have these questions.

1:07:45 ITS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO BE EFFECTIVE IN LIFE IF YOU DON’T HAVE GOOD THINGS GOING ON AT HOME and so it’s time for many people to spend more time focusing on that piece. People seem to get the best results in business as well are the ones who have a lot of things working well at home.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST HERE .

Entrepreneurship: Marriage and Money

Wed, 01 Nov 2023 14:50:00 GMT

Two weeks ago, I opened an email from an influencer (Giovanni Marsico) addressing how entrepreneurs deal with financial stress. One thing I know for sure is if finances can be stressful for an entrepreneur, they can wreak havoc on entrepreneurial relationships.

In this email, he introduced an entrepreneurial financial expert, Pam Prior. I immediately reached out to Pam to see if we could shoot the breeze about finances and the impact on relationships. Our converstation is recorded and wanted to share it with you.

I asked her the three biggest challenges I encounter with entrepreneurial couples:

1) What’s healthy when it comes to financial disclosure of the business with the spouse?

2) What’s the financial threshold that should be reinvested into the business? At what point does money start to come back into the family instead of being reinvested in the business?

3) How do we close the financial gap between an entrepreneur and spouse who doesn’t work outside the home?

Sign up for my “Ask Coach Kelly” email list and you will receive this video (and bonus Business Financial Kit) as part of my Welcome Pack!

#1 Reason Self Care is Hard

Sun, 01 Oct 2023 02:58:00 GMT

I’ve been running a Self Care series on social the past week or so, and the feedback is so eye-opening!

The #1 response I get about why self care is challenging has to do with WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!!

“My kids will think their activities aren’t important to me”

“My friends don’t get the same opportunities to rejuvenate, they are already so judgmental”

“My spouse doesn’t want me to spend the money on those luxuries”

“My team will think I’m not committed”

Um. HELLO!!!

IT’S CALLED SELF CARE BECAUSE THIS IS YOU CARING FOR YOURSELF.

It’s called SELF ��CARE�� because this is YOU CARING for YOURSELF. How did anyone else ever get a vote in that?

And therein lies the rub.

The people that truly understand this are the ones who effortlessly prioritize self care, and as a result, never get to a place where they seem to NEEEED it. They don’t reach a point of depletion that makes the need for self care a raging urgency.

But the ones that are governed by other’s opinions are the one’s that live in such chronic depletion that it becomes their new normal. It’s where we start to take a departure from our own paths in favor of pleasing others. And how we become a shell of ourselves and start to harbor resentment towards others.

This is where The Secret Scorecard begins. We start to note all the times we put our own needs aside to care for others, silently expecting they’ll do the same for us. But when they don’t, we take it personally and start to take it out on others.

Can you see how the lack of self care can create such a gnarly domino effect?

Last week, I talked about The Domino Habit and how choosing one small action can build momentum towards greater results.

If you struggle with Self Care, can I offer a Domino Habit for you? Perhaps the biggest step you can take toward better self care is to DIVORCE YOURSELF FROM OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS. This happens when you believe your inner voice over any one else’s voice. And, at the end of the day, it’s the greatest gesture of self care we can offer!

So, here’s to you and that inner voice that has been calling for you!

The Secret to Having a Successful Marriage to an Entrepreneur – Find Your Own Purpose!

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 01:11:00 GMT

THE FOLLOWING EXCERPT IS FROM KELLY CLEMENTS’ BOOK THE POWER OF PLAY, PRAISE AND PURPOSE.

THE POWER OF PURPOSE

A solo purpose divides; a shared purpose unites.

Mark Twain said, “The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why ”. If you’ve found your purpose, you know how much truth this quote holds. Discovering our purpose answers many of life’s biggest questions: “What is the meaning of life?” “Why am I here?” “What is my genius?” And even, “Does my life matter?”

Colliding with purpose is one of the most exhilarating experiences we can have as a human being. Discovering our purpose not only changes the course of our lives, it also impacts the lives of everyone with whom we work. However, it can also come with a cost—particularly to a marriage. When we make the choice to turn our purpose into a profession, it can leave our spouse feeling like our work is more important than he or she is. If one spouse is purpose-driven and the other isn’t, it can be especially hard to understand this relentless pursuit. The commitment to developing a shared purpose as a couple will help bring harmony to these entrepreneurial relationships.

I believe our individual purpose comes “factory installed” in us. It’s an innate calling that, when tapped, becomes impossible to resist. As we pursue this purpose and the full expression of it, it can create a point of contention in our relationships. It can either leave our spouse feeling like our business gets the best of us while she gets the rest of us, or it can be a painful reminder that she has not connected with her own purpose yet. This chapter will serve as a guide for those couples experiencing the dark side of a purpose-driven life. We’ll discuss how discovering our individual and shared purpose introduces us to who we are as our best and highest self.

PURPOSE ENVY

My client Julie said it best: “I hate watching Jim walk out the door each day because he goes out to change so many lives and make a difference—and it’s a daily reminder that I’m still searching.” Like Julie, many spouses can feel a certain degree of envy that their entrepreneurial spouse has a strong sense of calling and meaning—while they don’t. His sense of purpose, if not experienced by the spouse, can stir discontent or even resentment in a spouse. It can be difficult for a spouse to begin the pursuit of purpose in an entrepreneurial shadow.

It’s natural for an entrepreneur to equate purpose to a business opportunity, but for a spouse who’s not business-minded, that can be off-putting. The fact is, everyone has a purpose. It’s a bonus to be paid for your purpose, but definitely not a necessity. You may be a whiz in the kitchen, or maybe you’re made to be a parent or caretaker. Perhaps you’re the one all your friends call for fashion advice or investment strategies. Purpose doesn’t have to be translated into a business to make it valid. Purpose is anything that introduces us to our best selves. It’s what motivates us to become better and better at something. It’s what makes us stand up a little taller and hold our heads higher. It is the activity that helps us lose track of time and elicits that feeling of being delighted to be alive.

WHEN SOMETHING IS MISSING, IT’S PROBABLY BURIED

I wholeheartedly believe that your purpose is already in you; that we each came into this life with a unique mission to impact the lives of our fellow humans. I also believe that at a young age, we have a sense of what this purpose might be. As we begin to express this to our friends and family, we are often shut down. Out of protection (love), our family might attempt to inform us of all the tragedy that we’ll encounter if we journey into the pursuit of purpose. I sense this is changing as our human race evolves, but for Generation X and previous generations, there seems to be an experience of being told that we’ll never make it if we reach for the stars.

For me, this was quite literal. I vividly remember the day my fourth-grade teacher announced we’d be doing a report on what we wanted to be when we grew up. We had just returned from the playground where I had spent the entire recess being chased in flirtatious pursuit by my classmate, Brian. With my , thanks to this blossoming crush, I was quick to volunteer my answer. I eagerly raised my hand and confidently proclaimed, “Mrs. Egezio, I’m going to be an astronaut!!” Without missing a beat, my new crush—Brian—exclaimed “Kelly, you can’t be an astronaut; you have to be smart to be an astronaut!

The class erupted in laughter. And there it was. In that moment, I buried my dreams. In that moment, I chose to be the fun girl—the life of the party—so no one would laugh at my dreams again. As you’ll remember, I even went to college and got a degree in “play.” That provided me with even more fun as I landed jobs at Walt Disney World, Disney Cruise Line, and Hilton Head Island. What a great life, right?

But something was still missing. As you now know, I was missing my calling. Thankfully, I eventually found it, and through discovering that purpose, I learned to recognize the lie that I had created to keep myself safe from the rejection I experienced that day in fourth grade. If you find that you are in purpose-seeking mode, I challenge you to find the moment you decided to keep yourself safe. When did you decide that it was unsafe to pursue your dream? Go back to that moment. Can you see the lie? It is only in discovering the lie that we can reveal the truth

When I realized I was basing my entire life around the faulty belief that my value as a person was to be fun, I was able to step more powerfully into my intelligence—and it changed everything.

Disparagement of our purpose is one of the harshest forms of criticism we can receive. In essence, we’re being told we’re not equipped to do what we are meant to do. Can you see how tempting it would be to shut down this pursuit altogether? The path of dogma can feel much safer than being told we’re wrong about our own dreams.

This is where the quiet desperation sets in and that feeling that something is missing begins to arise. The moment you accept this calling and start saying yes to it is the moment your purpose will begin to reveal itself.

LETTING YOUR PURPOSE FIND YOU

Generally, the people I work with fall into two categories: purpose-driven or purpose-seeking. The truth is, most purpose-driven people I know didn’t find their purpose; their purpose found them. And it happened by saying yes to something unexpected. This was true for me as well.

When I was twenty-five, I had just moved back to Chicago from Florida and I had no interest in finding my purpose because, quite frankly, I was still telling myself that I was supposed to be the fun one! I had big plans to get a job in special events because I figured that if I had to work, it might as well be at a party. So, I hired a headhunter to help me in my pursuit, and her first suggestion went over like a lead balloon. “I have a client called Strategic Coach. They set up workshops for entrepreneurs. I can get you an interview this week.”

My knee-jerk reaction was, “No, way!” I imagined myself assembling trade show booths in sterile convention halls. “That’s the last thing I want to do.” But I needed a practice interview, so I begrudgingly told the headhunter to go ahead and schedule it.

I did no research on this company prior to my interview. I had no idea that coaching was an industry, or that this type of work even existed. But when I showed up at the offices of Strategic Coach in Rosemont, Illinois, I was captivated. I call it my “mother ship” because the moment I walked in the door, I knew I wanted to be a part of this organization. The art on the wall, the books, and their mission (“Work Less. Make More.”) all spoke to me. I was home.

As my interview began, I learned more about the concept of coaching entrepreneurs. It was so intuitive to me that I found myself “talking the talk” right away. That was the day everything changed for me. It was the first time I wanted more for myself. The first time I saw a bigger future for myself. It was the first time I met my higher self.

At long last, I started taking myself more seriously. No longer was I interested in just going out on the weekends and drinking margaritas. I wanted more for myself; to be around more inspiring people. I had realized that I could make a difference in people’s lives, and that my own life— here—could actually matter. Before my interview, I hadn’t been concerned with finding my purpose; now, I couldn’t live without it. And it all started with an unexpected yes.

If you feel you are on the purpose-seeking end of the spectrum, congratulations! That tug is your indicator that you are on the brink. That void—or the feeling that there must be something more—is your calling to bigger things.

However, I find that spouses of entrepreneurs tend to dismiss this feeling more than any other group. I hear things like, “We have such a great life; who am I to ask for more?” And, “I feel bad about feeling unfulfilled; we have such an amazing life together. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

In my experience, I have found that spouses of entrepreneurs can get so caught up in the minutiae of everyone else’s dreams and goals, they neglect their own. In this state, they get carried so far away from their personal desires that they end up getting squeezed out of their own lives. They look around at all they have and still feel like something is missing. That “something” is often their sense of self.

Moving from purpose-seeking to purpose-driven starts with giving yourself permission to ask for more. Accept that it’s okay to seemingly have it all and still ask for more. That feeling only comes when there is more in store for you.

THE IMPORTANCE OF A SHARED PURPOSE

The power of purpose is more than an individual pursuit. It’s the defining quality that takes couples from ordinary to extraordinary. Couples can be at odds over many things, including finances and parenting, but when they have a shared sense of purpose, they establish longevity and unity that surpasses their unaligned counterparts. The reason is simple: Purpose is fuel. It’s the driving factor that allows us to plow through the obstacles to reach our goal.

One way to identify your purpose as a couple is to think about your life in five, ten, or fifty years. Whom have you helped? What is the difference you have made as a couple? With whom are you spending time each day? For what reasons are people seeking your company? Your answers to these questions will help set the course for your direction as a purpose-driven couple.

Both partners are working toward the same goal, whether that’s retiring on the beach, traveling 150 days a year, or starting a nonprofit. It can be to be totally focused on kids and grand kids, or to have the business carry on through future generations. The vision itself doesn’t matter; what matters is that both the entrepreneur and his spouse share a powerful vision of where they are going together.

If a spouse has not experienced a personal sense of purpose, and is living with a purpose-driven entrepreneur, the first step is not necessarily to find her own life’s purpose right away. Instead, it is to get on board with a sense of shared purpose in her relationship with her spouse. Both members of the couple can ask, “Where are we going together?” This question clarifies their expectations of their roles within the marriage. For example, if they share a retirement goal, what is the spouse doing to preserve the wealth? If it’s a charity goal, which charity is it going to be and is the spouse contributing in other, non financial ways? The object is for the entrepreneur and spouse to have a shared purpose in the relationship. Establishing purpose in the relationship helps to bring greater harmony and fulfillment to both parties.

OWNING YOUR BRILLIANCE AS THE GATEWAY TO PURPOSE

Jon Butcher, founder of Lifebook, and his wife, Missy, present a great example of how two extraordinary people can create that one extraordinary marriage through the power of purpose. After nearly thirty years together, they’re the most legendary couple I’ve met, and among entrepreneurs, they’re considered to be one of the most powerful couples in the community. It’s no secret how they came to possess the sultry romance that they have: they have created a shared purpose that requires both of them to consistently show up as their best self in twelve categories of life

Missy remembers how, when they first began dating, she held Jon in such high regard that she asked herself whom she had to be to become his partner. “I have to step up in every area of my life,” she concluded.

Similarly, Jon has spoken about Missy, saying, “My love for her transcends my love of all else—my businesses, my children, everything! If I have to choose between work or being with Missy, it will be Missy every time because she’s just such a magnificent creature.” Missy is captivating to Jon because she’s clear on her own purpose and has found the line between support and self-care.

Missy has owned her own brilliance. She felt that Jon was firing on all cylinders in so many areas of his life that she was inspired to elevate hers as well. She recognized that it takes two extraordinary people to create one extraordinary relationship. Looking at these two, they are an exact match (yet not a duplicate) in terms of how well they have elevated their respective games.

Entrepreneurs are wired to take extreme ownership over their lives. The spouse also needs to take ownership over her life, establish her own identity and activities, and pursue her own dreams and purpose. It is through this place of self-ownership and purpose that authentic growth will take the couple from ordinary to extraordinary.

PURPOSE IN ACTION

Empowering the spouse to pursue her own goals and dreams, and to find a passion that revives her in her own unique way, renews the passion in a marriage. We focus on the spouse’s personal life or her unique traits and gifts. Because our purpose lives in us, we strip away all the external factors—career, money, kids, spouses, parents, and other people’s expectations. We focus on the six areas that make up her personal life and promote growth: energy, emotion, character, wellness and beauty, spirituality, and relationships. Understanding who she is at her best in these six categories is a powerful motivator for her to discover her greater purpose.

ENERGY

Energy. The most common objection I hear from spouses is there’s no time to explore new passions. That’s code for they are spending time (and energy) on all the wrong things. Before we can identify what we should start doing, we have to be clear on what to stop doing.

Everything in your life today served you at one point— that’s why you did it. But to step into higher purpose, we need to rid ourselves of everything that no longer serves us. When we honestly look at our habits and see how much time we’re spending on activities that add little value to our lives—like watching television or browsing social media—the results are shocking. There is especially enormous emotional baggage connected to social media; we see only the highlights of life, and that prompts us to compare ourselves to others. Managing or eliminating those habits creates more time and energy for bigger pursuits that are more aligned with where we want to go in life.

CREATING ENERGY FOR MORE FULFILLING PURSUIT

The exercise I referenced in Chapter 4, The Power of Play, is a powerful approach to creating energy for more fulfilling pursuits. In business, entrepreneurs often have a great deal of delegation power and are trained to focus on things at which they excel. In the household, a lot of the tasks entrepreneurs don’t like to do get delegated to the spouse—but we want the spouse to adopt the same empowered mind-set of doing what energizes her and to delegate or eliminate the rest.

Of course, there are obligations we have to fulfill in our daily lives, like handling finances and feeding our kids. Outsourcing activities that drain you and adopting strategies to better utilize time will open up the space and energy you need for the life you do want to have.

THOUGHTS & EMOTION

Thoughts & Emotion. If we aren’t intentional about our purpose, we are at the mercy of external circumstances. Either we control our thoughts or our emotions control us. Work to identify and actively create the emotions you want to experience in your life. Start with what you’re currently feeling. If your baseline emotional state is filled with anxiety, depression, or apathy, look at what’s causing this stress and ascertain how you do want to feel. Ask yourself, “What do I need to do to create a space in which I am experiencing these positive emotions more often? With whom do I need to spend time? What places or activities will get me there? What thoughts and beliefs will create those emotions?”

Sometimes, it is only by becoming clear about your emotions that you can enact tangible change in your life. A client of mine, Gabrielle, had begun coaching while feeling unfulfilled, resentful, and uncertain. She often acted out in anger and was short-tempered and easily agitated. When issues arose in her life, she was apathetic and acted like they were everyone else’s problem. When I asked her how she wanted to feel, she answered, “Fulfilled, at ease, passionate, and happy.”

Through our sessions, we identified the source of her negativity: She believed everything in her life was falling short of her expectations. It was almost like she was hardwired to find fault; she lived in constant disappointment of her husband, her kids, her house, and her career. By simply choosing more empowering thoughts that reflected the way she DID want to feel, she was able to live in greater joy and abundance.

CHARACTER

Character. Who do you need to be to get everything you want? I used to think this was a manipulative question until I got to the core of what it really means: If you want a different result in your life, you have to start doing things differently. If you want to see direct, positive, and permanent changes in your life, you have to implement different daily habits on a cellular level, because that will change your character.

For example, I used to say that I wasn’t an organized person; I just claimed it wasn’t a part of my personality. Then I realized that if I wanted to grow a successful business, not being organized was holding me back. To get the result I wanted, I needed to retrain myself to maintain consistent records and keep my calendar in order; when I did this, organization became a part of who I am.

FINDING YOUR COURAGE

One character trait a lot of my clients work on is courage. This could mean the courage to get a babysitter and spend more time away from our kids, the courage to develop deeper intimacy with our spouse, the courage to go out and pursue that dream job, or even the courage to distance ourselves from friendships that are bringing us down.

Too often, we neglect our own wants and needs due to guilt narratives. We need to have the courage to believe that caring for and honoring ourselves first will produce positive results in every other aspect of our life. For instance, it is not easy for most women to be stay-at-home moms; I think women who can do that underestimate how important their work is. Women like Gabrielle and me—who love being moms but who are also driven to pursue dreams aside from motherhood—need to find the courage to release that guilt. Having a healthy attitude toward balancing family life with work life allows us to become happier and more fulfilled.

WELLNESS AND BEAUTY

Wellness and Beauty. Our health is our first wealth. It is also the first data-point others use to determine how we expect to be treated. If we don’t treat ourselves well, why should they?

When we look good, we feel good! Confidence is the electricity of life, so we must actively transform our outward appearances to reflect how we feel on the inside. It can be easy to “let yourself go” after marriage, but that lackluster external appearance will always translate to a dull inner light as well.

Through our appearances, we are also actively creating our own personal brands. For instance, when you choose clothing and accessories, do you have a style preference? Do you like to look sophisticated, or timeless, or original? What’s the personal brand that resonates with you, that’s always going to remind you to step into your best self in your work and with others?

BEST BEAUTY STRATEGY

The best beauty strategy is taking a proactive approach to maintaining your health—not waiting until you’re sick to go to the doctor, but rather, preserving the state of well-being you already have. For me, that means chiropractic care, a balanced diet, massage, and enjoyable exercise. For you, it can include whichever healthcare and self-care rituals you maintain to preserve your well-being. It might involve practicing conscious eating—that is, slowing down to give your full attention to what and how much you’re consuming. You might also want to stay active with exercise that you look forward to, like yoga, rowing, hiking, or running.

It’s important to maintain our wellness and personal brand because this area touches every other area of our lives. When we start to neglect this area, it affects other areas of our lives, such as our self-esteem, our relationships, and even our finances. The maintenance of our health and appearance tends to be the last thing we let go of, and when we stop caring for ourselves, it’s a primary indicator that we’re near our rock bottom. It’s also the first area we should focus on as we resume our climb back upward. It’s THAT foundational.

SPIRITUALITY

Spirituality. We connect to spirituality when we ask the big questions like, “What is the meaning of life?” It’s independent from religion, although for some people, spirituality and religion are entwined. Spirituality is connecting to our higher power, so for some people, that’s God, or the Universe, or Source; others regard it as their own intuition. Spirituality is whatever life force guides you. It’s where we can be still and hear that small voice inside us that helps us tap into our inherent knowledge.

To connect with your spirituality, the first thing to do is to clarify what this looks like for you. For some people, it means going to church, while for others, it’s spending time in nature, or being by the water, or reading, or meditating. The important thing is to identify the rituals that will bring you closest to love and remind you of how you are part of a bigger picture. Connecting with your personal spirituality should inspire you to commit more energy to your exterior life by providing you a time of rest and reprieve.

Spirituality is the underlying connection between the six areas of growth. It’s what gives us courage to go from being without purpose to purpose-seeking by saying yes to things we normally wouldn’t say yes to. It’s what helps us understand which negative activities and influences in life we can relinquish. So as we identify our sacred rituals, we also understand what we must say no to in order to prioritize the practices that will most fully serve our life.

RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships. It’s important to surround yourself with people who challenge you to improve and who support your goals and dreams. As motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Therefore, you want to have relationships with people who are working to better themselves. When the sky’s the limit, everyone elevates one another.

Our identities are often fed by the people with whom we spend the most time. If your social network is mostly made up of negative people, it will be much harder for you to keep up your motivation and grow. Often, when people begin the pursuit of purpose, the people around them begin to feel threatened. Their friends may think, Wait a minute; if she starts to grow, she may outgrow me. They may work to keep you in their comfort zone by projecting fear and negativity. They may be unsupportive or show signs of jealousy or that oh-so-supportive pretense of protection: urging you to “just be happy with what you’ve got.

THE ART OF LETTING GO

The art of letting go is useful here. There is a common, emotionally charged perception that women have a fixed group of friends they are supposed to maintain relationships with throughout their lives. But the truth is that our social circles are always evolving. Our connections are transient. If you look at your current social circle, you’ll notice that it includes people from every phase of your life, from your work friends to your church friends to your old college friends to the friends you see at your kids’ sports games. You’re already connected with many different groups, and social circles change and evolve quickly these days. If you are spending a lot of time with old childhood friends and are looking for a more encouraging group, you can start to shift more of your attention to your friends from the gym, work, or school. Give yourself permission to move on and find a more positive social network; it might be easier than you think.

IN SUMMARY

Focusing on these six areas of personal development will empower you to see yourself in your highest light and break the chains of an unfulfilling life. Who are you as your highest self in each of these categories? More important, what becomes possible for you when you are clear and confident in each of these areas? All the things you desire in life—deeper relationships, wealth generation and preservation, having a legacy, making a difference, serving others, purchasing your dream home, maintaining solid business growth—are the result of the work you will do in these six crucial areas. Once you are clear on that, you can change the game for yourself and your family.

WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS FREE EXCERPT. CONTINUE READING MORE CHAPTER EXERPTS:

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Power of Play

Chapter 2: The Power of Praise

Chapter 3: The Power of Purpose

Receive a copy of my book in eBook form – along with other book resources – when you sign up for my “Ask Coach Kelly” weekly emails.

How to Support Your Entrepreneur Spouse with the Power of Praise

Tue, 01 Aug 2023 23:53:00 GMT

THE FOLLOWING EXCERPT IS FROM KELLY CLEMENTS’ BOOK THE POWER OF PLAY, PRAISE AND PURPOSE FOR ENTREPRENEURIAL COUPLES.

Entrepreneur couples and the power of praise. What we appreciate, appreciates. How to support your entrepreneur spouse through the power of praise.

For a man, one of the most powerful forces in the world is a woman’s love. A well-loved man can and will move mountains for his love. The only thing stronger than a woman’s love is her rejection. If a woman’s love can make a man, a woman’s rejection will break him.

As with all married couples, what initially attracts us to our spouse can quickly become the very things that frustrate us about him or her. It’s the classic case of our greatest strengths turning into our greatest weaknesses. However, in entrepreneurial couples, this is magnified because entrepreneurs tend to have a more dynamic spectrum of talents and gifts. What makes us successful in business can be a real challenge to manage at home.

In fact, did you know that from a psychological perspective, quite a large number of entrepreneurs are similar to psychopaths? It’s true! Entrepreneurs have just found better ways to channel all that mania.

PSYCHOPATHIC TRAITS

A 2016 study by forensic psychologist Nathan Brooks of Bond University found that 21 percent of CEOs have the same psychological profiles as psychopaths. However, inThe Wisdom of Psychopaths, Dr. Kevin Dutton describes how the psychopathic traits that we ordinarily associate as negative actually manifest as positive and powerful attributes in some of the greatest historical figures and political leaders of our time. The 21 percent of CEOs who are “successful psychopaths” adopt traits such as fearlessness, confidence, ruthlessness, charisma, and focus, and find ways to productively channel them into business.

These studies illustrate how a character trait can be viewed as a strength or a weakness, depending on its context and how it is expressed—and perceived. You can view the very same qualities in your partner as either powerful strengths or detrimental weaknesses, depending on your perspective and what you cultivate through praise or criticism.

QUALITIES THAT MOST ENTREPRENEURS SHARE

Let’s look at the qualities that most entrepreneurs share: they’re confident, resilient, independent, driven, innovative, and have an eye for excellence. These qualities are strengths needed to build a successful business. However, when pressure gets turned up or there is a loss of control, these very same qualities can show up as arrogance, stubbornness, tyranny, mania, eccentricity, and perfectionism. Understanding the triggers that flip a strength into a weakness can help to us foster a relationship focused on strengths and praise, not weakness and criticism.

Another factor that is not openly shared is that most entrepreneurs constantly doubt that they are truly good enough. They may look poised and confident from the outside, but inside, they are battling feelings of insecurity. The moment our spouse validates those thoughts through criticism, we lose even more hope. Conversely, being affirmedby our spouse can quiet those unruly fear patterns.

WIRED FOR POTENTIAL

An entrepreneur’s concept of praise is an area in which his strengths can work against him. Entrepreneurs are wired to see possibility. They often see potential others cannot see. Because they can see potential so easily in others, they are quick to offer guidance and suggestions, even if unsolicited. In the absence of praise, these suggestions can seem like criticism. It is essential to see and appreciate the good, not just the potential.

Criticism is fine; we all have times in our relationship when criticism is necessary. However, when we criticize more than compliment, we devalue our relationship with every passing comment. It’s important to recognize our partner’s strengths, because what we appreciate, appreciates. When it gets dark, it’s easy to think the world is against us. It’s easy to think we’re a terrible failure. And as we know, it can get really dark on the journey of any relationship. Add entrepreneurship to the mix, and it can become even darker.

Praise is about elevating you and your spouse to a level where you really believe in each other. It’s not based on hollow compliments—saying nice things just for the sake of saying them—but rather, on the idea of truly believing in someone. It’s truly seeing and being seen. The definition of intimacy is “Into me you see.” Intentionally seeing the best in our partners turns praise into an aphrodisiac.

WE EXPAND TO THE SPACE WE’RE GIVEN

Have you ever noticed that the most unified couples are the ones who consistently show appreciation for each other? If there’s anything they get right, it’s the ability to genuinely praise one another. It’s not because their partners are more perfect than ours; it’s because they choose to see the good. They are not complaining about their spouses or the confines of their marriage for entertainment value. They’re not seeking the pity of others for the “tough road” they have to traverse in their marriage. They’re shining the light, together, on the power of their partnership.

I know a couple is bulletproof when I hear statements like, “I couldn’t do this without my spouse,” “He believed in me before I believed in myself,” and “She’s my biggest inspiration, my biggest fan.” These entrepreneurs set for their spouses, and guess what? The spouses rise to meet those expectations. When others see the most extraordinary traits in us, we feel a level of connection and intimacy unlike any other. We rise to meet those high expectations when they are set through praise, not constant reminders that we are falling short.

NO JOKING MATTER

Even when we criticize in a joking manner, it cuts deep. It not only hurts our partner, but it also diminishes our own positive feelings for him or her. After leading a webinar on this topic, I received an email from a participant who said, “You’re right; we bash our husbands like it’s a sport. My girlfriends and I are always complaining about how our men fall short. They’re all pretty successful, but we’re ‘joking’ about stupid stuff, and it affects the way I feel that night when I’m sitting next to my husband: irritated about things that don’t really matter.”

Men can feel that condemnation, and when they are chronically criticized, they will respond accordingly. In other words, when we hold low expectations of them and are heavy on the criticism, they shut down and prove us right. Conversely, when they feel that we hold them in high esteem and see their greatness, they will rise to meet those expectations and confirm our estimation of them every single time.

POWER TO TRANSFORM

Your attitude and regard for your spouse has the power to transform him or her on a cellular level. If he’s never enough for you and you’re consistently disappointed, his contributions will continue to dwindle. But if you view him as a super hero, he will don his cape. If you see her for all that she already is, and not just her potential, she will step even further into her radiance. Your spouse will fill the space that he or she is given, whether it’s in constant disappointment or unwavering belief.

To have someone see and acknowledge your best qualities ratchets up the level of intimacy in your relationship. It secures the bond. You’re validated because your best qualities are recognized by the most important person in your life.Become aware of your compliment-to-criticism ratio. Jon Butcher references this ratio in Lifebook, an intense personal-development program based in Chicago. I facilitated this program for four years and learned the importance of minding the compliment-to-criticism ratio. Of course, there’s always going to be times when we have to criticize or bring forth a complaint, but if that’s all you’re doing, your marriage will suffer. Constant criticism erodes a marriage. The way to offset necessary criticism is to inject profuse levels of recognition and praise by creating opportunities to find the good in each other. (Receive my free Compliment to Criticism Ratio Worksheet as part of my Welcome Pack when you join my email list!

MYTH: HE DOESN’T NEED ANOTHER “YES-PERSON” AROUND

In Chapter 2, we talked about how men need significance and women need security. In an entrepreneurial household, it’s easy for a man to get his sense of significance from work because that’s where he’s engaging with his employees, customers, and advisors. Because he’s in a position of leadership, it’s likely that very few of these people tell him when he’s falling short.

If, at home, he’s always receiving criticism, then, of course, he will spend more time at work. The home environment needs to be a place of refuge, safety, and significance for the entrepreneur, while providing a sense of security for the spouse. The fact that his spouse is likely to be the only one in a position to point out his weaknesses is yet another reason for her to also be one of his raving fans. It gives her more credence when she had to address his weaknesses.

EXPRESSIONS OF GRATITUDE

More noteworthy is the realization that the entrepreneur may have a source of constant recognition from his business. Affirming staff, raving customers, and widespread publicity all speak to the accomplishments of the business owner. If the spouse does not work, she is likely not exposed to the same level of recognition or appreciation. In this case, it is CRUCIAL for the business owner to be mindful that he, alone, is her source of praise and encouragement. Expressions of gratitude will prove to be a game-changer for the spouse who has been feeling left in the shadows of success.

This is not limited to just compliments and criticisms—it also applies to our responses to success and failure. The degree of our reactions to positive news should exceed the degree of our reactions to negative news. When our spouse screws up, he or she knows it because we’re throwing a fit. They know when they have messed up. Yet when they do well, we tend to take it for granted and don’t celebrate it. The degree of celebration we have over successes should exceed the degree of disappointment we show in “failures.” It’s easy to be frustrated when the losses impact the family, but when things go well, it’s crucial to celebrate the wins with the same vigor. Expressing frustration is easy. We often do it without even thinking about it. Because of this, it is imperative to build the muscle of appreciation to fortify the marriage.

PRAISE IN ACTION

Begin paying attention to your compliment-to-criticism ratio by trying out these different strategies. Consider sitting down with a pen and sheet of paper and making two lists of all the criticisms and compliments you expressed in the last twenty-four-hours. Write down every single one you can remember, regardless of how significant or inconsequential it may seem. When you’re finished, check to see which column is longer. Examine each line on your list. If the list of criticisms outnumbers the list of compliments, get to work on what you appreciate about your spouse. Work on that list until it exceeds the list of complaints. Seal the deal by sharing your newfound appreciation with your spouse.

Practice the art of the compliment. Giving compliments can generate positive perspective in oneself. Earlier in this chapter, I described how the same qualities can be seen as strengths or weaknesses, depending on our perspective and the context in which we view them. When you verbalize your appreciation rather than focus on complaints, it will cultivate your partner’s traits as strengths and draw out more of his or her good, inspiring qualities. Isn’t THAT the person you’d rather be married to anyway? Choose your view wisely, because it will determine who shows up for you.

SHOWING APPRECIATION FOR EACH OTHER

Showing appreciation for each other in simple ways on a daily basis can contribute to building a powerful and long-lasting relationship. For instance, consider something as easy as leaving notes in a wallet or near the coffeepot. What if we could start the morning with a compliment? Consider how it would feel to face every day with words of encouragement from your spouse. It could be like adding sweet sugar to your bitter coffee. Try this experiment: For one week, begin and end each day with a compliment to your spouse. Observe what changes, including how you and your partner feel about each other and your relationship.

THE ART OF THE COMPLIMENT

The art of the compliment involves intentionality. It’s about enacting and verbalizing your appreciation toward your spouse, rather than just taking his or her good qualities and successes for granted. Speak to your appreciation of what your partner is providing for you. Begin with his or her name, and then acknowledge a quality you normally don’t recognize verbally; it can be a physical characteristic, an achievement, a personal quality, or a mind-set. Then share how it makes a difference in your life. You might say something like, “Renee, your intuition is always spot-on. Every time I honor your intuition, it saves me from so many headaches.”

Remember, acknowledge all the ways your partner contributes to the relationship: intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, socially, sexually, and/or financially. We want to become conscious of everything we are receiving and cultivate more of what is going well in our lives.

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

Praise can also be used as a mirror and a tool of accountability for when our spouse’s strengths have turned into weaknesses. When you need to criticize, frame the statement in a way that is supportive and productive. Remember how a strength (like passion) can become distorted through a high-pressure situation and show up as a weakness (like anger). So when you want to be critical and blame, take a moment to reframe the statement as praise: “I can tell you’re under a lot of pressure. You’re at your best when you’re creative and rested. Right now, this isn’t you. How can we shift you back into your strength?”

Have an open attitude toward what you try, and keep in mind that these are just general recipes. The key concept is that there should be more compliments than criticisms in your relationship. (Receive my free Compliment to Criticism Ratio Worksheet as part of my Welcome Pack when you join my email list!

FIND YOUR PARTNER’S POWER PHRASE

Find your partner’s power phrase. When my superman, David, talks about losing his business in bankruptcy court, he mentions how it was my affirmations that kept him alive. I sent him emails and texts not only to validate him, but also to remind him of his ability, purpose, and greater vision. My love for David was for who he was, and I believed in him. I saw his genius and nurtured his inherent strengths rather than reacting in panic to the external chaos he was experiencing. I recognized how there were specific and deliberate phrases that resonated with him: “I’m behind you all the way.” “You’ve got this.” “If anyone can do it, you can.” Those platitudes sustained him in his darkest hours.

Discovering your own power phrase, as well as the power phrase of your partner, is crucial—but most people don’t know what words will help encourage them and they don’t know what their spouses need to hear. A person’s power phrase is directly tied to our deepest fears. Verbally speaking out against these silent fears helps remind us of a more empowering truth, and that keeps us out of our caves of insecurity.

WHAT ARE YOUR FEARS?

My deepest fear is that I’ll screw up my kids. The power phrase I need to hear is this: “The way you see and nurture your children as individuals is empowering them to create their own extraordinary lives.” I need to hear this from the person I am closest with, because it’s an affirmation of how I can choose to believe in my vision instead of my insecurities and fear.

Fear is a vulnerable space we enter. It is one that is deeply intimate, and one where we must practice our greatest compassion and trust. To find your partner’s power phrase, you must first discover his or her greatest insecurity and understand that this insecurity comes from fear. We can choose to support each other in the areas in which we are most vulnerable by speaking to our appreciation and cultivating steadfast belief, strength, and love.

RENEWED PERSPECTIVE

I’ve worked with couples that, at the beginning of our coaching sessions, were not even aware of how much they were struggling. These couples were simply resigned to what their marriage had become and were going through the motions. When we began discussing their issues and these concepts behind praise, I watched as they took a moment to look at each other through a perspective of deep regard. With their relationships reinvigorated on the spot, it was like they were seeing each other on their first day of marriage.

To love someone means to see them– all of them. It means to see them as their brightest, most alive and active self. To see them at their most valuable and insecure self. When you love someone and you can see them at their most basic, human level, then you can appreciate what is more important to them. This is where love grows. This is how the bonds of a relationship strengthen.

DID YOU ENJOY THIS EXCERPT? READ MORE CHAPTERS BELOW:

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Power of Play

Chapter 2: The Power of Praise

Chapter 3: The Power of Purpose

Receive a copy of my book in ebook form, along with other book resources, when you sign up for my weekly “Ask Coach Kelly” emails.

How to Build Habits for Self Improvement

Sat, 01 Apr 2023 18:19:00 GMT

BUILDING HABITS FOR SELF IMPROVEMENT AND SELF CARE IS MORE EFFECTIVE IF YOU START WITH A DOMINO HABIT.

At my core, I believe we all KNOW what we should be doing to get the results we desire; less sugar, more income, less criticizing, more exercise…

So, while we KNOW what we should be doing, many of us struggle with the actual implementation.

For me, the thing I KNOW I should be doing, but rarely do it, is my personal outreach (cold calls) because it’s a path fully loaded with rejection.

However, once I put in a little effort for two or three days in a row, it consistently converts to massive opportunity. It’s like it works so well, I stop doing it.

Then, a month or two down the road, I have to start all over again. I have to conquer the negative self-talk about why I can’t just be consistent. And ramp up my confidence to protect myself from the rejection and dead-ends. I have to go back and figure out who I’ve already talked to and dig up more leads.

I KEEP HAVING TO GO BACK AND DO THE HARDEST PART ALL OVER AGAIN.

Where, if I would have just been consistent, I would have been past the hardest part and riding a wave of momentum, consistency, and ease.

CAN YOU RELATE?

Maybe you’ve been on a weight-loss yo-yo. Or maybe your finances are constantly up and down. Maybe your relationship cycles are exhausting you.

Whatever it is for you, where do you find yourself consistently back at the starting gate?

WHAT IS ONE HABIT THAT WILL HELP KEEP YOU ON THE RAILS?

I call this the Domino Habit. The one where if I just do this ONE THING, it will keep me in motion. My Domino Habit is a Google Search. If I can get online and search up a list of individuals who would be a great client for me, I’m naturally going to reach out to them next. Starting with the easy habit (a google search) keeps me in motion to a bigger result (new clients).

If your struggle is intermittent fasting, maybe your Domino Habit is to start brushing your teeth every night at 7:00pm. If your challenge is exercise, maybe your Domino Habit is to get dressed to workout and walk out to end of the street.

Choosing ONE EASY ACTION to get you in motion will likely keep you in motion until your actions are HABITS. The beauty of habits is that it frees up brain space. We no longer have to DECIDE if we’re going to be great that day- we just are!!

Could it really be that easy? Could it REALLY just come down to the small things we consistently do?!!!!??

Kelly

Entrepreneurial Spirit: How to Reconnect with Your Spouse with the Power of Play

Sun, 01 Jan 2023 02:05:00 GMT

THE FOLLOWING EXCERPT IS FROM KELLY CLEMENTS’ BOOK THE POWER OF PLAY, PRAISE AND PURPOSE.

Time away from work is good, but it’s the power of play that truly rejuvenates and builds sustainability in marriage and business for entrepreneurial couples.

Yes! It’s time to talk about the fun stuff: PLAY! I’m super-passionate about play; in fact, I even have my degree in it! That’s right, I have a bachelor of science in recreation. My passion for play is evident in all areas of my life, especially in my coaching. I use the “power of play” to reconnect spouses to how and why they fell in love in the first place. When I’m coaching a group workshop or working with a new client, one of the first questions I ask is, “How did you meet and when did you know your partner was the one?” The answers are almost always rooted in play, and that gives me crucial insight into how to get the couple back to basics when challenges arise.

My favorite couple that illustrates this is Katie and Larry, whose marriage began to suffer when they stopped engaging in the passion and fun that had brought them together.

By trade, Katie is a designer and Larry is a builder. In lifestyle, these two couldn’t be more different from each other: think “heiress debutant” meets “rocker bad boy.” In a hundred years, I would never have paired up these two— until I first heard them talk about their dating days. Katie lit up when she remembered how much bigger her world became with Larry, who has a passion for racing cars. She was exposed to a new, tight-knit community in the racing world. She brought appetizers to share with the other wives and girlfriends at the racing events, and seeing Larry in his element made him even more attractive to her. Katie loved watching him in his race car, conquering his dreams.

THE SLOW FADE

The slow fade began a couple of years after the wedding. Katie stopped going out to Larry’s races and became reacquainted with her old hobbies of yoga and antiquing. In her mind, she was being supportive, because she was always encouraging Larry and never complained about his absence when he returned from a race weekend. Larry, on the other hand, was gutted. Races just weren’t the same without his girl cheering him on from the stands.

What was even more detrimental was that Katie stopped seeing Larry in that badass light she adored so much. Without watching her guy in his element, she only saw the “builder” version of Larry, who could seem angry, burnt-out, and tiresome. Katie had made a good move by pursuing her own passions, but where she and Larry both fell short was in the area of sharing in each other’s enjoyment; they had stopped playing together. When Katie sees Larry fully engaged and alive in his passion for racing cars, she remembers why she chose him as a partner. It is via play that our greatest strengths are revealed. Play diffuses unnecessary tension and reflects our highest connection in relationships. It helps to heal the damaged inner child that tends to cause so many problems in a love relationship.

SOMETIMES WE STOP PLAYING ALTOGETHER.

As entrepreneurs, we can become so enthralled with work that we stop playing altogether. We use excuses like, “my work is my hobby” or “I love work so much, it doesn’t feel like work!” When this mantra is adopted, entrepreneurial tendencies seep into the home—hence the lack of balance. You’ll know this has happened when you see these signs:

1) The spouse starts to feel like an employee. Spouses often share with me that they can feel more like an employee than a spouse. “He’s so good at delegating at the office, that he won’t do ANYTHING at home unless he wants to do it.” This comes across as disengagement at home AND it compounds the workload of the spouse—both of which prevent opportunities to play together.

2) The business gets the best of him while his spouse gets the rest of him. Coming home after a long day, severely depleted, on a constant basis robs the spouse of the emotional connection she craves to create and sustain a powerful love relationship.

3) All of the family’s travel plans revolve around business trips and conferences. This can lead the spouse to stop dreaming for herself, because she gets the sense it’s just her job to keep up with the inertia of the business.

For all of these tendencies, we look to an “f-word” for relief: “flow.”

FLOW AND PLAY ARE EQUAL OPPORTUNITY RESTORERS

If you live with an entrepreneur, you’ve probably heard the term “flow” or “flow state” before. These terms refer to the zone that entrepreneurs get into when they are working in the sweet spot of their business. It’s in “the zone” where time stands still and everything else seems to fade away. During flow states, superior breakthroughs “flow” through the business owner with very little effort and yield extraordinary results. Concepts of time and space disappear and a euphoric mental state is achieved.

In his book The Rise of Superman: Decoding the Science of Ultimate Human Performance, author, journalist, and entrepreneur Steven Kotler has written about the neurochemical changes during flow states that strengthen motivation, creativity, and learning. “The brain produces a giant cascade of neurochemistry. You get norepinephrine, dopamine, anandamide, serotonin, and endorphins. All five of these are performance-enhancing neurochemicals,” said Kotler in the publication “Big Think.” Each of these amplifies intellectual and cognitive performance.

Basically, we’re talking about a euphoric cocktail of fulfillment and productivity. This is precisely the reason entrepreneurs have such a hard time disconnecting from their work. Work is where they get their fix. Achieving flow can be addictive for all the right reasons. However, that hit of flow often results in addiction, just like any other drug. We call this addiction “workaholism.”

ENTREPRENEURS AREN’T THE ONLY ONES WHO EXPERIENCE FLOW.

Entrepreneurs aren’t the only ones who experience flow. Artists and athletes achieve flow states as well. Do you see a common thread here? Dancers, musicians, artists, basketball players, football players, etc.—they are out playing for a living, and they are the ones who most often experience flow. To help balance the work-life scales, your best strategy is to incorporate the same sense of euphoria into your personal life. This is best achieved through play. When you consider play, the goal is to achieve “carefree timelessness”— a state in which you lose track of time and the distracting roles and responsibilities of your day-to-day life. In play, you reconnect with your partner and engage in pleasurable activities that you both enjoy. This puts you into a shared zone of euphoria together and fosters a healthy environment to build sustainable and growing love.

For spouses, this can seem like a pipe dream. The good news is, you’re about to learn the delegation strategies successful entrepreneurs use to grow their business, and use them to grow in your life. You’ll need to shed the activities that drain you to make room for ones that will help you achieve flow. In order to make room for the life you’ll love, you’ll need to let go of the things that no longer serve you.

START FOCUSING ON DOING MORE OF THE ACTIVITIES YOU ENJOY AND FEWER OF THE ACTIVITIES THAT EXHAUST AND DEPLETE YOU.

Start focusing on doing more of the activities you enjoy and fewer of the activities that exhaust and deplete you. Make a list all the things you are responsible for on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual basis. What are the activities on your list that you absolutely dread? How about the things that you simply tolerate because no one else will do them? As those activities come to mind, I want you to figure out how to get rid of them. This can mean assigning them to someone else or deleting them entirely from your calendar.

As you consider these activities, be careful of the tendency to “should” on yourself. Often, when it comes time for spouses to delegate, a degree of guilt takes over. “My partner works so hard in the business, I really should be available to do more of this tedious stuff.” Maybe, but my experience as a business consultant and coach tells me that entrepreneurs are better served by a happy, fulfilled spouse than one who is burnt out and trying to give from the proverbial “empty cup.” More important, the spouse has the opportunity to discover the line between support and self-care. Clearing some draining activities from your agenda creates space for you to pursue more engaging, fulfilling activities. This is precisely where you will create time and energy for more play with your partner.

I encourage you to think of your play life as a threelegged race. You and your partner should have one or two personal hobbies that you enjoy separately, but the majority of your recreational time should be spent together. Maybe that involves taking turns participating in each other’s hobbies, or perhaps it means finding a shared interest you both enjoy. For men, in particular, it’s incredibly important to spend recreational time together. In fact, many men would rank recreation second only to sex when they define their ideal relationship.

PREP, PLAY, PRODUCE: THE RHYTHM OF WORK AND PLAY

As entrepreneurs, we are uniquely positioned to maximize play by enjoying the freedom our entrepreneurial path provides. Remember, we work extra hard, so we have to play extra hard to replenish energy spent on the business. It’s time to get back to the reason you chose this crazy path and start cashing in on personal enjoyment. Your free leisure time is a depreciating asset. The longer you wait to cash in, the less enjoyable it is. Use it now, while your kids are young; they’ll cherish the memories long after you’re gone. Use it now, while your spouse still craves time with you; she’ll appreciate you even more. Use it now, while your mind and body are healthy and able; it’ll keep both active and vigorous.

Just like we need systems, processes, and procedures in our business, we require them for our play as well. I suggest implementing a preparation strategy to ensure you keep play as a priority. Preparing for play will maximize your play and ensure you are enjoying high-quality free time with your spouse.

TAKING CARE OF LOGISTICS

During this time, you’ll ensure all the necessary logistics are taken care of. When preparing for play days, think of everything you will need: Childcare? Carpool assistance? Reservations? Equipment rental? Special clothing? Spend prep days getting everything ready to pull off play so you won’t get bogged down in the mechanics on the play day. On the actual play day, you should aim to wake up in a state of carefree timelessness, confident that all the details have been addressed so you can take life at your own pace. This day is exclusively devoted to enjoyment. Perhaps it’s a leisurely morning before an afternoon hike. Or maybe it’s an early spin class before an afternoon of antiquing. The activity is irrelevant; the goal is shared enjoyment.

DON’T FORGET ABOUT PACE

One crucial conversation to have as a couple concerning play days is a discussion about pace. Play days can mean many things to many people, but they tend to go off the rails when individuals have different opinions on the pace of the day. Some crave a calm, leisurely pace with no set agenda. Others crave high-octane, sensory-rich experiences. Neither is right or wrong, but the couple should make sure the expectation is set beforehand. If you and your partner have opposing views, take turns experiencing each other’s preference. Avoid the costly mistake of spending too much free time separately. Remember, the key to having a deeper connection and more to talk about is experiencing life with and through one another. Embracing your differences as an asset will deepen your connection and your own personal development.

PLAY IN ACTION

The frequency of play in our life boils down to the frequency of play in each day. Every day, regardless of the type of day it is, should have some element of play in it. The following snapshot will help set a gauge for how to integrate more play into your life. (Receive my free Quality Time Planner as part of my Welcome Pack when you join my email list!

DAILY: CONNECTING

Each day, when both the entrepreneur and spouse first get home, connecting with each other for fifteen seconds can change the game. Yes, seconds. That’s all it takes. If you want to be really specific, start that interlude with a six-second hug. Research has shown that it only takes six seconds of an embrace to release oxytocin, the love hormone. You’ve both had long, hard days and when these two worlds collide, it can make for some tense moments. As soon as your partner walks in the door, you’ll need a pattern interrupt, a break from the routine with something new. As soon as you or she walks through the door, seek one another. It takes fifteen seconds to stand face-to-face, kiss, assess each other’s emotion, and realign as a united front. A devoted fifteen seconds each day after work will start to change the tone of your relationship. Bonus points if you a glass of wine or take a walk together every day!

WEEKLY: DATE NIGHT. EVERY WEEK. EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK.

Even when you don’t like each other, and especially when you don’t feel like it. My personal trainer’s voice haunts me in these moments. Every time I’m tired and don’t feel like doing another rep, she gently reminds me, “This is where we make our changes.” She’s right. The exact moment you lose the desire or the perceived need for date night is the same moment you need to double down on your dates. Those moments are the gateway to either a more powerful relationship, or a further disconnect. The power is in the play.

My colleagues in Massachusetts, Drs. Stephen and Camilla Franson, have an awesome strategy for this. Upon noticing that conversations about kids and logistics were dominating their date-nights, they implemented “Coffee Breaks.” Coffee Breaks are weekly meetings they have with each other, typically on a Sunday, about managing logistics. Each week, they get out their calendars: work, school, appointments, extra-curricular activities, and they consolidate. They spend a power hour aligning their views on the week ahead, and deciding who needs to be where, when. They also use this time to clean up any messes in their own relationship. Dedicating time to being organized clears the way for them to focus on happier pursuits on their weekly date night.

MONTHLY: HOTEL DATE NIGHT.

This will quickly become one of your favorite nights! Let’s face it; hotel sex is the best sex! It’s a chance to focus exclusively on this crucial piece of our marriage. It’s an unbridled opportunity to pay attention to each other without the threat of waking the kids or trying to turn a blind eye to the laundry hanging over that chair in the bedroom. It removes the excuse of needing to do dishes or pay bills that our households so conveniently present.

There’s also something about the effort and foresight that goes into hotel date night. Spending time packing and preparing for a night away offers us a chance to spice things up by including items that may not otherwise appear in our repertoire. Additionally, getting out of the house together at least once a month offers major leverage in avoiding, or escaping, ruts. It’s a pattern interrupt of the status quo. It’s a golden opportunity to be cared for as a couple, order room service, book a spa appointment together, and have someone else make the beds. This ritual will unleash some of your most playful indulgences!

QUARTERLY: WEEKEND GETAWAY.

For the same reasons listed above, a weekend getaway four times a year presents a unique opportunity to grow deeper as a couple. Getting out of our community and visiting other places helps us to keep things in perspective. It adds dimension and richness that other pursuits just don’t deliver. Travel, when done right, changes us. What a gift it is to share those unique experiences with each other!

ANNUAL: FULL-WEEK GETAWAY.

If you have young kids, this can be challenging. In fact, lack of childcare is the biggest obstacle most couples face in executing on this crucial task—or in spending any time alone together, for that matter. Ensuring your kids are not only cared for, but also entertained, will allow these experiences to be even more enjoyable. Consider asking another family to swap weeks with you so you can take turns getting away. Or find an overnight camp that will ensure the kids don’t even know you’re gone.

Once we get back to that carefree place of enjoying each other, we can see each other’s strengths again. Through play, we get back to where we can see our spouse’s qualities as strengths and recognize the things that we appreciate in him or her. That way, we can have more of those good, healthy feelings and qualities, as opposed to the logistics and obligations that can stifle a relationship. Couples that play together, stay together. Play well, and play often!

WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS EXCERPT FROM THE POWER OF PLAY, PRAISE AND PURPOSE. READ MORE HERE:

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Power of Play

Chapter 2: The Power of Praise

Chapter 3: The Power of Purpose

Receive a copy of my book in eBook form, and other book resources, when you join my “Ask Coach Kelly” weekly email list.

Tips for the Entrepreneur and a Successful Vacation

Sat, 01 Oct 2022 20:46:00 GMT

It’s vacation season!

Three Vacation Tips for Entrepreneurs

Tickets are booked, shopping is done, and bags are packed! So much planning and prep has gone into this- the only thing left to do is have fun, make memories, and reconnect with loved ones.

You finally get to your destination and everything is accounted for. Except for your partner’s head; it’s back at the office- again.

For most entrepreneurial couples, this is a common point of contention.

“Just once! We just wanted your undivided attention for just one week!”

Trouble in paradise.

Below are a few helpful tips to ensure everyone maximizes the power of family vacation:

1) SHARE EXPECTATIONS

‘Trep: Honey, I have three business calls I need to take while we’re away. They’re scheduled at these times…

Partner: Babe, there are a few times this week we’ll need your undivided attention for scheduled activities. Can you please make sure you’ve planned accordingly to have your phone off during these times?

2) DON’T ASSIGN MEANING TO UNEXPECTED CALLS

‘Trep: avoid the impulse to defend taking a call with “you never appreciate how much I have to work to make all this possible”.

Partner: avoid using this as another opportunity to prove that the business is clearly more important than family.

Let it be what it is. A call. After the call, a kind gesture from each of you will unhinge the other from the impending battle positions you may have both assumed.

3) FILTER

‘Trep: is it really necessary that you engage in work while away? Or do you just enjoy being needed/engaged/ challenged? A total disconnect provides exponential value in your business and your personal life. Don’t underestimate the power of letting your team handle it- everyone will thank you.

Partner: is it totally crucial that no work activity takes place? Or do you just feel a little lost when they they get caught up in work? Taking advantage of some personal time while on vacay gives you an equal opportunity for a total disconnect- and what’s that worth?!??

I hope these simple but game-changing tips help you have the best vacation yet!

Kelly

Kelly Clements Insights

He Just Told Me We're Tight on Cash...Now What?

�� Why So Many Entrepreneurs Don’t Tell Their Spouses

❤️ So What’s a Reasonable Reaction

�� You’re Allowed to Have Needs Too

✨ Final Thought

How and Why to tell her when Cash is tight

Why hiding your business stress is hurting your marriage more than the money ever could.

So what do you do?

You’re One Courageous Conversation Away from a Brand New Marriage

The moment that could save your marriage—or unlock a brand new one.

Marital Engagement

Your marriage may be suffering from the same disease that kills businesses.

THIS IS WHAT MARITAL DISENGAGEMENT LOOKS LIKE.

SHE DOESN’T WANT A PAYCHECK. SHE WANTS A PARTNER.

HERE’S WHAT TO DO NOW

Road Rage: His Rage, My Withdrawal

How to jump-start connection after road rage

Love in the Fast Lane: Why Road Rage Puts the Brakes on Intimacy

Why Road Rage Puts the Brakes on Intimacy

Balance and Biology: Filling The Ambition Gap with Feminine and Masculine Energy

Self-Leadership: How to Arrive at Healthy Alpha and Healthy Beta

The Relationship Spectrum: Are You an Alpha or Beta?

Are You Pastcasting?

5 Ways for Entrepreneurs to Have Better Relationships

Resentment is an Invitation

My Holiday Wish for You

Marriage Modeling

Questioning Your Relationship with Alcohol

Holidays with Family: Pass the Love, Skip the Drama

The Pandemic and Entrepreneur Relationship Struggles

So, Here We Are: Social Distancing & Homeschooling

Entrepreneurs and Marital Success

Entrepreneurship: Marriage and Money

#1 Reason Self Care is Hard

The Secret to Having a Successful Marriage to an Entrepreneur – Find Your Own Purpose!

THE FOLLOWING EXCERPT IS FROM KELLY CLEMENTS’ BOOK THE POWER OF PLAY, PRAISE AND PURPOSE.

﻿

How to Support Your Entrepreneur Spouse with the Power of Praise

THE FOLLOWING EXCERPT IS FROM KELLY CLEMENTS’ BOOK THE POWER OF PLAY, PRAISE AND PURPOSE FOR ENTREPRENEURIAL COUPLES.

How to Build Habits for Self Improvement

Entrepreneurial Spirit: How to Reconnect with Your Spouse with the Power of Play

Tips for the Entrepreneur and a Successful Vacation